The Sweet Downfall
by Homesick
Summary: Sequel to All I Ask Of You. Dragonrider and Varden spy, star-crossed lovers. As Meghan is determined to hide her child's identity, and Murtagh is forced to serve Galbatorix, will Alagaesia, Meghan, and Murtagh keep holding on?
1. Chapter 1

The Sweet Downfall

This chapter is for all the readers of All I Ask Of You, you have inspired me to write this. Thank you, and enjoy.

**Chapter 1 – Another Goodbye**

"Meghan?" it was too early in the morning for the sun to be up. For anyone to be up for that matter. Meghan had only fallen asleep an hour ago, because of the baby, pregnancy was tiresome. It had been a week since the battle, they had built a camp miles away from the battlefield, but still the incidents of that day haunted her like ghosts.

"Meghan?" it sounded again, this time more urgent.

"What?" it was the first word she had spoken since the night she had overheard Galbatorix's conversation with Murtagh. Murtagh, even thinking the name hurt.

"It's me. Roran." His deep voice was kind, as if he was preparing her for a conversation that wouldn't make her day pleasant.

"Come in." Meghan got up and started braiding her hair.

"Meghan listen.." he squatted in front of her, his face gentle and insecure "..why didn't you tell me?"

"Did you talk to Eragon?" Meghan snarled. He nodded his head and shrugged, as if it was only logical.

"Well the next time you speak with him again you may say that it is none of his business to tell you about my personal condition."

"You should've told me. We're friends aren't we? I can help, I want to help."

"What did he tell you?"  
"That you're with child. I know you had to leave the father to help the Varden, it's him isn't it, a servant at Galbatorix' court?"  
"A servant." Meghan mumbled, she couldn't deny the irony in that. Suddenly she looked up. "There's nothing you can do to help. I have to do this on my own."

"You don't."

"Why did you come here Roran? And at this hour?"

"We're leaving." Meghan was finished with her hair and dropped her arms beside her body.

"What?" she whispered, as if saying it louder would make it more real.

"Eragon and I, we're leaving to look for Katrina at the Helgrind."

"But that's insane." She mumbled.

"Maybe. But not impossible. I have to find her. If you ever had even the slightest chance to see him again, you would do anything wouldn't you?" Meghan didn't even want to think about her answer to that question. She would do anything to see him again, the way he was, the way she fell in love with him. Not the mindless monster he became.

"I have to go." Roran repeated when she didn't answer. "Eragon has sworn to help me, and I know his life is really important to all of you, but I'm more than grateful he's willing to come with me."

"When will you leave?" Meghan knew that if Eragon had sworn to help Roran, they would go no matter what. Eragon was many things, but he wasn't a liar.

"Now." Roran couldn't look at her when he spoke, his eyes were looking at his knees for an abnormally long time.

"N-now?" Meghan had to fight back her tears, Roran and Eragon made her feel just a little less alone. And now they were leaving too?

"I'm sorry." Roran whispered. "I came to wake you, so you could say goodbye before we left." He went on.

"Where's Eragon?" Roran didn't answer, he got up expecting Meghan to follow him. Meghan got up and followed him through the many tents, no one was up except for some guards at the sides of their camp. There he was. The young Rider who was the Varden's only hope. After the revelation of Murtagh being Galbatorix' personal Rider, Eragon had become of even more value to all the people of Alagaesia. As he turned around to face Roran and Meghan, Saphira greeted both of them in their minds.

Meghan still couldn't believe how beautiful and special Saphira was, what a miraculous creature in this dark world.

"Meghan.." Eragon whispered, his voice seemed to fail him.

"You shouldn't be leaving." She whispered back, standing in front of him feeling helpless, like a child abandoned by her parents. He was the only one who could potentially make her feel safe.

"I am truly sorry. We will be back as soon as we find Katrina." He said, fully believing in the suicidal quest. Meghan wanted to scream that it was impossible for them to find her, but she didn't want to upset Roran. She didn't want him to be hurt like she was. She wanted him to find happiness, and she wanted Katrina –a young woman unknown to her- to feel safe and loved in the arms of a man who would do anything for her, so that at least someone was getting a happy ending. Maybe she needed Katrina to be found, to prove there was hope.

"_I will take care of them and bring them home. I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to Eragon or his family." _Saphira's gentle angelic voice sounded.

"Please be careful and take care of yourself." Eragon whispered to her hair and pulled her into an embrace, and it felt safe in the arms of a friend. It had been so long since someone made that gesture.

"You make sure you get back." Meghan said, suddenly fierce. "Both of you." She turned to face Roran.

"I don't want to part again without knowing if I'll ever see you again. I don't want to loose any more friends."

"When we come back with Katrina you will only gain friends." Meghan embraced Roran and when she let go she turned to Eragon and Saphira again.

"Keep an eye on the horizon." Eragon said as he and Roran climbed on Saphira. "We'll be back before you know it." And then Saphira spread her wings to fly away, leaving Meghan with a feeling of doubt and fear.


	2. I'm not alright

**Chapter 2 – I'm not alright**

As soon as the Varden were waking up, Meghan left her tent to go see Nasuada. It was still early, but the sun was climbing his way up the horizon. When she got to Nasuada's tent she had to explain her presence to Nasuada's guard.

"It's alright, let her through." Nasuada's voice sounded from inside. Meghan entered and saw Nasuada fully dressed, studying a chart of Alagaesia.

"Goodmorning Meghan." Nasuada said, her eyes still on the charts.

"Hardly." Meghan replied, a little bow for her leader followed.

"How are you? Did you go and see Angela as I requested?"

"Alright. And no, I did not." Nasuada looked at her and opened her mouth to speak, but Meghan was faster.

"Why did you let them leave?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Eragon and Roran. It's suicide."

"You know as well as I that Eragon nor Roran can be stopped that easily. They seem to have a strange attraction towards danger."

"But.."

"Eragon will return." Nasuada said fierce, almost as if she wanted to convince herself instead of Meghan. "Tell me, how have you been these days. With you being.."

"Fine." Meghan said so fast it could hardly be an honest answer. She just wanted to avoid the word 'pregnant'.

"Can I ask you something Meghan?" Nasuada stood up and started to walk about the tent, not looking at anything specifically but avoiding Meghan's eyes.

"Of course Lady Nasuada." Meghan knew when to be polite and when to be cautious, this time she was definitely cautious.

"Who is the father?" The Father. Two words just like a burning dagger stabbing her through the heart. Meghan tried her best to control her breathing, to stop her hands from trembling.

"Excuse me?" she said, almost failing in keeping her voice normal.  
"The father. Where did you meet him?" It was as if Nasuada attempted a dialogue between two friends conversing about the beauty of love.  
"Urû'baen."  
"Was he a servant too?" Nasuada was curious, a little too curious according to Meghan. Of course these were all quite logical questions. Nasuada was probably trying to be a friend. The question if the father was a servant too was ironic. Meghan could almost bitterly laugh about it. Almost.  
"Yes." She finally answered, she wasn't lying entirely. She was convinced Murtagh wasn't doing all of this without Galbatorix controlling him even the littlest bit. Galbatorix wouldn't take the risk to maintain Murtagh's free will.  
"How old was he? What did he look like? What's his name?" the questions just kept coming. Meghan couldn't take it, it was the first time her hand subconsciously reached for her belly, when she felt her hand touch the fabric of her blouse she pulled it back.

"He's older than me, handsome and.." Meghan couldn't tell her. Of course she knew she couldn't tell Nasuada she was carrying Murtagh's child, but she couldn't tell her about him. Not even how old he was, it hurt too much. She looked down at her feet, avoiding any contact with Nasuada.

"It's alright. You're hurting. We'll talk later, when this isn't all so new and fresh."

"No it's not that," Meghan knew she had to avoid another conversation about this with Nasuada. "It's just. I can't tell you about him because, I fled from Galbatorix' palace Nasuada, that doesn't make the king my best friend, and I don't want to put _him _in any danger. That place is dangerous enough as it is."

"I understand." Nasuada nodded, finally sitting down again. "But you should know that a young pregnant woman alone causes questions."

"Why I'm pregnant and alone is none of other people's business." Suddenly sadness turned into anger, since a few weeks Meghan couldn't control her emotions as good as she used to. She started walking away from Nasuada.

"There one more thing Meghan." Nasuada said fierce, she was Meghan's leader again, not a potential friend. Meghan turned around so quickly it made her dizzy.  
"I knew we don't know each other all that well. But your father was important to the Varden, and what you did for us…you're a very special person. I hope we can be friends someday. And because you're special, not only to me, but to the Varden, I want someone to take care of you during your pregnancy."

"Please don't.."

"I insist. Angela will come over later today."

While she was walking about camp that day Meghan couldn't help but notice people were staring at her. Of course it was obvious she was pregnant, her belly just wouldn't stop growing. According to her calculations she almost was four months pregnant. Her skinny figure couldn't hide the round shape. She could hear whispers, people wondering who the father was, why she was all alone, and if she was married to him. She was becoming a disgrace and there was nothing she could do about it.

A day later people stopped whispering and started talking.

"I heard she slept with several men and doesn't know who the father is." A young woman said to her friend. "that's just not healthy! What about her pride?!" Meghan tried to ignore them while she was walking by but her raging emotions made it hard for her to do so.

The people of Carvahall didn't talk to her anymore since they found out about her pregnancy. While they were so nice and gentle when she met them during her journey, they were distant now. At night she went back to her tent early, she knew she wouldn't be able to get a lot of sleep so for the first time in a very long time she reached for the book Murtagh gave her. Deliberately skipping the first few pages so she wouldn't have to see the letter he wrote her, she started reading about the history of the Dragonriders, hoping there was something in there that would give her hope that the new Dragonriders would save Alagaesia.


	3. All is uncertain

**Merry Christmas everybody! This is just a little ****–late- Christmas gift to you all, an extra long chapter. Let me know what you think. **

**Chapter 3 –**** All is uncertain**

A few long days of wandering around alone seemed like ages. The past few days Meghan spent in grief over what had happened to her the past months. It seemed like all of it finally sunk in. Losing her father, losing friends, falling in love with the enemy, getting married, losing the love of her life, being pregnant, and a beginning war. Sometimes she wandered around camp looking for her father, knowing she would never find him. The image of him walking around, fighting with the Varden, just seemed so real. Since nobody made an effort to make conversation with her, she started retreating herself more and more. Speaking just seemed like useless tool if nobody would listen. She didn't even wonder when Eragon and Roran were coming back anymore. Only to see the pity in their eyes, or hear the sympathy in their voices. She didn't want any of it anymore, because pity would only prove that all the terrible things that were happening were actually real. It would be bleak heartless, like murder wearing a friendly face, meaningless because it couldn't take reality away, it made reality even harder. While she was reading by the fire –the first night she was out of her tent instead of hiding in it- someone sat down beside her. When she looked up she saw one of the elves that arrived at their camp just a day ago. He looked at her and smiled, it was a kind smile, very unusual for an elf. Meghan remembered the stories her father told her, elves were unpredictable and hard to understand, one minute they could be your friend, the other your foe. Elves rarely started a conversation or anything with others that weren't of their kind, they were supposedly quite introvert. Meghan tried her best to smile back out of politeness. His long blond hair was pulled back and braided, little braids hanging behind his ears. It looked like a silver waterfall over his left shoulder. His face was serene again, but the emotion he put in that single smile were almost human.

"I am Ilphas Enulath of Haladavar." He said after a while. Meghan looked up in surprise, she wasn't able to read in his presence but now he spoke without being spoken to she was astounded. The elf introduced himself without a proper greeting from her side, very unusual.

"Meghan Helena's Daughter, of Farthen Dûr."

"You were born there Meghan Helena's Daughter?" the elf asked while he bent forward to restart the dying fire in front of them.

"I was born there, raised somewhere else for five years after which I returned with my father."

"Brom." Ilphas said. Meghan looked at him, one eyebrow raised. She didn't know why she felt like she could trust Ilphas with anything, and she didn't know why he was interested in conversing with her, nor why he knew who her father was.

"Yes. Brom." She whispered.

"I am truly sorry for your loss although not all of my people seemed to like your father as much. I thought he was a fascinating man." Ilphas rested his elbows on his knees.

"You knew my father?"

"Yes. Did you know you have exactly the same eyes? But you look more like your mother, an almost exact alikeness to be honest." He smiled again, the almost human smile.

"You knew my mother?" Meghan tried to keep breathing right. Ilphas nodded.

"A very special woman."

"How did you know my parents?" Meghan asked, forgetting her aversion of speech.

"That's not something I want to talk about at the moment." Suddenly Ilphas was harsh and fierce. As if she had gone too far. Meghan looked at him in surprise again, this time she was hurt by the harshness of his voice. They were silent again. Meghan got down on the floor instead of the tree stump and warmed her hands by the fire.

"The child will come too soon, you should eat more."

Meghan looked at him, startled. "Excuse me?"

"It's inevitable that your child will come too soon, but you should make it strong by eating more. You're weak, too weak to give birth. Nobody would want to see you die."

"Sorry?" Meghan said again, of course she understood his words but she didn't understand the meaning behind them.

"Inevitable? Too soon?" She could hear him say something in the old language but she didn't understand, then he turned to her again.

"What did that Angela tell you? Lady Nasuada did send her to you didn't she?" he spoke with a mild tone of aversion about Angela.

"Why are you asking me all these questions?" Meghan was confused by the sudden appearance of Ilphas and the sudden questions and words he spoke.

"I'm here because I saw your baby was special."

"You _saw?" _ Meghan shook her head while she backed away from Ilphas. He gently put his hands on her shoulders pushing her down on the tree stump again.

"Yes. Didn't they tell you anything?" he asked, truly surprised.

"No. But I bet Nasuada is behind this." Meghan couldn't help but wonder why Nasuada wanted to befriend her so much.

"Lady Nasuada was very worried about you yes. I'm here to take care of you and the baby until you're both strong enough to take care of yourselves. If the baby gets born.."

"If?!"

"Well I haven't seen the baby alive yet."

"Seen?"

"I'm sorry. Surely you humans don't understand what I am. But I do believe there's someone like me among you…Elva…?" he asked. Meghan nodded, the name of the strange child always accompanying Nasuada was familiar to her.

"We are creatures who can see the future. Or parts of it. She can see pain and horror and suffering. I see the future of unborn creatures. I can hear them in my dreams."

"So you're not an elf."

"What makes you think that?" he asked, his almost human face showing up again. He looked at her, his eyes simply looking all the way down to her core. Meghan felt small and invincible at the same time. She could feel Ilphas soul next to hers, brushing against it, she felt so safe. Then it was over. He smiled while she tried to figure out what happened.

"Your child is very, very special Meghan." His voice was fierce again. "And he's growing fast. It won't take the usual human nine months for him to grow."

"What..what do you mean?"

"The child will come sooner than you think, and you should be ready." Meghan was mildly scared of the little human growing inside of her, how could it be special like that? Meghan and Murtagh were both human, what could make it different from normal children?

"Don't be scared." Ilphas murmured. It was almost an insult, as if being scared was a disgrace.

"Why are you here?" Meghan asked unsure.

"I'm here for you and the child, to make sure nothing will happen to either of you as long as I'm alive." He smiled the almost human smile again, his eyes a little more friendly but bitter at the same time. "I'm what my people call a **Desh'miriai, a guardian." **

It had been two days since she met Ilphas and since then he hardly left her alone. It was strange being around him. He could be gently and friendly, but he could also be fierce and scary. He kept rambling about Meghan's child being special but he would never explain to her specifically what was going on. He never spoke of her parents again, nor anything personal about his life or background. When she tried to ask Nasuada about him all she said was "Treat him with respect and be grateful he is willing to help you. He's a talented elf that needs be treated with care, he's very emotional." That didn't make Meghan any wiser either.

When she woke up Ilphas was immediately at her side again.

"That kind of freaks me out." She whispered. The gentle smile he gave her turned into a moody grin.

"I came to bring you good news."

"Hardly possible." She mumbled.

"Your friend Roran will return this afternoon. Not alone."

"Their coming back?!" Meghan sat straight up looking at Ilphas with glistening eyes. "They're alive?"

"Those who return usually are." Ilphas mumbled. "How did you sleep, well I hope?" he started talking to Meghan's belly, a strange habit he seemed to have developed in a short time.

"Yes, as good as can be under the circumstances." Meghan said, unsure if he was talking to her or her baby. Ilphas carefully put his hands on her stomach, he didn't move them but still Meghan felt a strange kind of tension.

"How is the baby doing?" she asked. Since Ilphas was so busy taking care of her and most importantly her baby she was starting to develop strong feelings for the creature growing inside of her. She could feel it was hers, her blood and flesh.

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Ilphas said, removing his hands from her belly and looking at her. Encouraging her to talk to her own body.

"Him?" she had heard him say 'him' several times before but it finally occurred to her to ask about it.

"I'm not entirely sure but he seems a masculine human being."

"A boy?" Meghan felt warm inside when the creature inside of her got more human to her. As if being confronted with the fact that there was life, human life, growing inside of her, made her finally understand the emotions she couldn't explain before. Love.

Ilphas had left her alone in peace for the rest of that morning. He didn't show at all, Meghan sat outside trying to enjoy the warm sunshine. It had been a long time since she had nothing to do at all - since she wasn't _allowed _to do anything. The rumours went on but she started ignoring them.

"There here." Ilphas just whispered and walked away again. Meghan got up knowing exactly what he was talking about. A smile appeared on her face, it had been so long since a genuine smile had beautified her face. She started running toward the place most likely for Saphira to land. Running was harder then before though, just in about a week her belly had grown again. It could hardly be called running. As she rushed off to see Eragon and Roran return she heard whispers. Nasuada was sending them away, the people who had waited for Eragon to return were send back to their tents. Meghan didn't turn but tried to reach Nasuada instead.

"What's going on?" She asked being held back by two of Nasuada's guard.

"Meghan, please go back to your tent."

"No. What's wrong?"

"Let her go." Nasuada gestured to her guards. "Meghan, you can come speak with me later. There are important things to be discussed right now." Nasuada's eyes focussed on Saphira who landed with a tremendous amount of sound.

"He's not here." Meghan mumbled more to herself than to anyone else, Nasuada ignored her as Arya, an elf, came to her side. "He's not back." Meghan whispered to herself again starting to lose faith again. She turned around, slowly walking back to her tent.

"Meghan?" Ilphas familiar voice triggered the tears in Meghan's eyes.

"There's someone here to see you." His voice was soft, almost soundless. Meghan got up and stumbled out of her tent trying to be as fast as she could.

"Hi." A hoarse tired voice said. Tears were streaming over Meghan's cheeks as she threw her arms around Roran's neck.

"You made it back." She whispered, she could feel Roran push her away from him to look her in the eye.

"Of course." He smiled bitterly "Meghan I want you to meet someone." He stepped aside and there was a young woman about her age standing behind him. At first she seemed timid and unsure, but she stepped forward with a strong smile that didn't quite make it to her eyes.

"Katrina, this is Meghan. Meghan, Katrina."

"Ka…" Meghan couldn't finish what she wanted to say, she looked at Roran in disbelief and then back to the woman. She wasn't exactly what you'd call exceptionally beautiful, but there was something about her that made her attractive, some force around her.

"Lovely to meet you, Roran has told me so much about you on our trip here." Katrina shook Meghan's hand firmly.

"He has told a lot about you too, it's incredible to see you here..to know Roran really did save you. How?" Katrina held Roran's hand while he pulled her closer and put his arms around her. Roran told her about the fight with the Ra'zac and how he found Katrina with Eragon's help.

"And Eragon?" Meghan half-whispered.

"Eragon stayed behind." Roran said bitter and angry at the same time. Whatever his reasons Roran did not agree with Eragon's actions. When she asked him why he couldn't answer. Katrina pushed her long curly hair behind her ear and yawned.

"I'm so sorry. I will no longer keep you from your rest, you should sleep, both of you. There will be lots of time for talking tomorrow." Although it hurt Meghan to part with her friend so soon again, it made her happy to see him walk away with the love of his life. Roran had found happiness, a reason for living again, something he deserved almost more than anyone.

A few peaceful days went by with hardly any news on how Eragon was doing.

"You look better." Ilphas said while Meghan was reading a book she got from Nasuada's tent. Lady Nasuada was still willing to be her friend, but hardly had any time to do so.

"Thank you." Meghan tried to smile but there was something about Ilphas that made her unsure of herself. He was so unpredictable she was scared to let him in. He could be the most gentle person alive, and than again he could be so cold that he scared her. It was clear what his purpose of being here was, he was here for her child, not for her.

"Hello Meghan." The clear sweet voice of Katrina sounded as she walked over and sat besides Meghan.

"Katrina." Meghan genuinely smiled this time, Katrina and Meghan got to know each other over the past few days. Meghan felt like Katrina understood what she was going through even though she never told her. Of course Roran must have told her something, but even he couldn't understand her the way Katrina immediately did. Katrina didn't like talking about her time with the Ra'zac, so after a brief summary Meghan didn't ask about it any longer. They started talking about common things, life mostly.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Katrina asked, briefly looking at Ilphas.

"Of course." Meghan looked at Ilphas who directly understood and left the two girls alone.

"What is he? You're guard?"

"My midwife actually, I guess.." they both laughed because of the idea of a handsome man elf being a midwife.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Well.." Katrina looked down for a moment, unsure of what she was going to say.

"Take your time." Meghan smiled as she laid her hand on Katrina's lower arm, a sign of friendship.

"Roran and I are getting married soon." Katrina smiled.

"When?" Meghan was curious in a good way, good news was always a welcome guest.

"Well, as soon as Eragon comes back I think..of course Roran wants him to be there, and me too. But we can't wait too long, if Arya can't find Eragon soon I'm not sure if we can wait any longer.."

"Is there something wrong?" Meghan asked startled.

"Not exactly." Katrina smiled again, a cheeky smile this time.

"Wait.." Meghan said with a smile on her face. "No.." the smile got bigger. Katrina nodded.

"I came to ask you for advice…how it feels to be..you know."

"Oh," Meghan said "I don't really know if I'm the right person to ask.."

"You're the perfect person. You're my age, pregnant, and.."

"Alone." Meghan couldn't help but indicate.

"Well that's why you're perfect. You're doing this all alone, that's amazing Meghan. I don't know what I'd do without Roran." There was an awkward silence.

"You're very lucky to have Roran. He's an extraordinary man." Katrina smiled but found it hard to speak about how lucky she felt with Roran because she didn't want to hurt Meghan. The awkward silence returned.

"What is he like. The man you love.." Katrina finally asked. Meghan was silent for a long time.

"When we met?" Meghan asked.

"When you met." Katrina confirmed.

"I hated him to be honest. Not him exactly, the idea of him. But I was wrong, so wrong. He turned out to be more of a man than anyone could have been. But now…"

"You lost him." Katrina whispered. "I'm sorry..I shouldn't have.."

"It's okay Katrina. I should learn to face the truth."

"Roran told me you've lost a lot the past months." Katrina continued. "Your father..and then the love of your life.."

"He's a bad man." A third voice interrupted coldly, it was Ilphas. Both Katrina and Meghan looked at him in surprise. Meghan didn't say anything, she just stared at Ilphas, his face hard and dark, she could almost swear his eyes were darker as usual. His voice was calm.

"What do you mean?" Katrina asked. Meghan's eyes were staring into his. She knew he was lying when he said;

"To leave Meghan alone was the biggest mistake of his life." Meghan got up and walked away, angry at Ilphas rude interruption and scared for what he knew. She could hear the swift and light footsteps of Ilphas behind her. Just a little harder and faster as usual. He was angry as well. He grabbed her wrist with inhuman strength.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. Meghan looked at him, her eyes fierce. He intruded her personal life, he got too personal.

"Why didn't you tell me you're the Dark Rider's wife?!" Meghan pulled her arm out of his hand.

"Because it's none of your business!" she hissed looking around if anyone heard them.

"It _is _Meghan. Don't you know you should trust me. I'm the only one you can and should trust. This only makes more sense."

"I didn't want you to know! I don't want _anyone _to know alright?!" Meghan started crying out of anger and pain.

"And I can't trust _anyone."_ She hissed through her teeth.

"Don't you understand?!" this was the first time she saw Ilphas lose control. She was absolutely sure his eyes were darker this time. "You're carrying a weapon in your womb Meghan!"

"You call my child a weapon?!" Meghan yelled as both of them walked away from camp, pausing every now and then to yell at each other.

"Don't you see? What if you're child takes after his father more than you'd like? There's still one egg left in Galbatorix' hands. Or what if Murtagh finds out about his child? Do you think he could keep it from Galbatorix? Galbatorix would use it against him, against all of us."

"Leave me alone." Meghan whispered. "Leave me alone and don't ever speak to me again."


	4. Dance with the devil

**Chapter 4 – Dance with the devil**

For two days Meghan ignored Ilphas, he tried to make conversation but she didn't listen. Sometimes she was hurt by the look in his eyes while she was ignoring him, she seemed to hurt him by her actions. Meghan mostly stayed inside, Roran and Katrina came by every day, Katrina often stayed the entire afternoon just to talk. More than once Katrina asked about Meghan's time at Galbatorix' palace. Meghan wanted to tell her the truth so badly, but she was afraid of what the truth might do to people around her. How they would look at her if they knew. If they would be in any danger.

"You never talk about him." Katrina concluded. Meghan pretended not to care about Katrina's statement.

"Why? Did he do something wrong? Did something bad happen? Roran is worried you know, he sees how hurt you are and he wonders if you'll ever be okay again. You would tell me wouldn't you, if something was wrong?"

"Some things are better left untold." Meghan mumbled listening to the tumult outside. "What's going on out there?"

"Maybe there's something wrong." Katrina said.

"Maybe.." Meghan got outside but she couldn't see anything unusual. She was looking around for someone familiar to ask if there was something wrong. She felt something was going on, but not necessarily bad. She started walking toward the centre of camp. When she reached Nasuada's tent there was half of a huge blue dragon sticking out of the side of it. Why was Saphira talking to Nasuada?

"He's back." A familiar voice came from behind her. She turned to see Ilphas, his tortured eyes focussed on hers. "The Rider." He continued then turned around to walk away. For a moment Meghan wanted to follow him and thank him, but she couldn't. How could he ever understand?

Like a little impatient child Meghan was waiting in front of her tent, absolutely sure Eragon would come and see her if he had the time. Katrina and Roran had joined her. It was slowly turning dark outside, and as the air got chilly Roran made a fire in front of them. His strong arms were holding Katrina safely against him. Meghan laid one hand on her belly. Sometimes she could swear she could feel the baby move inside of her, it made her scared but happy at the same time. She felt less alone.

She didn't know why seeing the young familiar face of the Rider made her so emotional. As he worked his way through the tents, he didn't notice them quite yet. Meghan got up, then waited for Roran to go meet his cousin first.

"Eragon!" Roran called, Eragon looked up, his face turned into a smile of hope and relief when he saw Roran and Katrina.

"Roran!" both of them ran to each other, clashing into an emotional embrace. After Roran, Eragon greeted Katrina. He asked them how their trip was and they asked him several things about the places he had been and what he had been doing. Meghan kept her distance, she didn't feel comfortable invading since she wasn't family. After a short while she caught Eragon's eye.

"Meghan!" he said, excited to see her as if she herself was family too.

"Eragon." Meghan whispered relieved as he pulled her into an embrace. "I'm sorry it took a while." She could feel his body tremble with laughter.

"No offence, but you got bigger." He said while pushing her away and looking at her belly. Meghan smiled.

"Everything alright?" he asked, Meghan nodded.

"So cousin, tell us everything." Roran said while putting his arm around Eragon's shoulders and pulling him toward the camp fire.

It was a hot beautiful summer day, a few days after Eragon's return. With his return, the peace and hope of the Varden was also restored partially. Eragon was busy meeting Nasuada and her guard most of the time. Roran had been busy training to be ready for his share as one of the Varden, and Katrina was hanging around at Meghan's tent a lot. Roran and Katrina's wedding had been announced the day after Eragon's return and today was their day. Katrina was nervous and excited at the same time. Both Roran and Katrina had asked Meghan to help them with their big day.

"I'm so lucky Nasuada gave me this amazing gown." Katrina said while her hands stroke the soft fabric of Nasuada's gift.

"You would've looked beautiful in anything." Meghan said while she braided a lock of hair. Katrina laughed and reached for Meghan's hand.

"Thank you Meghan, for helping us. We really appreciate it."

"It's the least I can do." Meghan smiled friendly, the smile didn't reach her eyes. Today might be harder than she had thought a few days ago. When she was finished with Katrina's hair and she looked absolutely perfect Meghan left Katrina's tent to check on Roran. When she walked into his tent he was pacing back and forth, he didn't notice her until she coughed softly.

"Ow Meghan. Hi."

"Nervous?" Meghan grinned as she walked to a chair and got Roran a clean shirt. He nodded and started pacing again.

"Here, put this on." She said while she gave him the clean shirt and turned around.

"You know you don't have to turn around Meghan."

"No but it is appropriate Roran." She could hear him laugh softly.

"There.." he said and Meghan turned around. The clean white of his shirt made him look healthier. "Who did your hair?" Meghan asked.

"Bretha, why?" he asked while his hands touched the shorter hair slightly nervous something went wrong.

"It looks good on you."

"We're so lucky Nasuada helped us you know.." he started talking but Meghan wasn't really listening. She helped him with collecting his shoes and belt while he kept talking and pacing around nervously.

"What if Katrina deserves better Meghan?" he suddenly asked, a question that woke her up from her own thoughts. She looked at him in surprise for a moment.

"Roran." She said while she pulled him to a chair and forced him to sit down "Nobody would ever take better care of Katrina, nor love her more. Nobody could give her what you already gave her, nobody would give their life as easily as you would for her. And nobody would make her more happy by spending his life loving her."

Roran looked down, unsure of himself and of what to say.

"Thank you.." he smiled "..you're a good friend." Meghan's eyes shifted to the corners of her eyes while she heard people screaming outside.

"What's that?" Roran mumbled.

"Ssh." Meghan hissed trying to focus on the sounds outside. Roran got up and both of them walked out of the tent. Outside people were preparing for battle and there was a strange mix of frightening and angry sounds.

"The king's army is coming to attack us!" someone called out loud when he saw Roran and Meghan wondering what was going on. Roran looked at Meghan, his eyes big with fear.

"Katrina.." he whispered. Meghan's breathing got heavier and the adrenaline started to take over her body. The urge to search for a weapon made her get back into the tent and reach for Roran's hammer and shield.

"Here. You'll be needing these." She said while she ran back to Roran.

"Meghan…get to Katrina and hide. I don't know how far Galbatorix' army will get, but make sure you and Katrina are safe."

"But.." she said while Roran started to walk away still looking at her, repeating the previous sentence.

"Come with me." Meghan heard behind her, a firm grip around her upper arms forced her to follow. When she looked over her shoulder she could see the silvery blond long hair of Ilphas.

"No, let go of me!" she hissed while he was trying to take her away from camp.

"Why should I? It's dangerous if you stay there!" he turned her around and forced her to look him in the eyes.

"Because I have to get Katrina!" she yelled in his face.

"I won't let you." His grip around her arms tightened.

"You will." Meghan tried to fight his grip. When Ilphas saw it was useless keeping her where she was, he let go. Unwilling to hurt her again, but sure she wouldn't be safe, he followed her as she ran away.

"Katrina?!" Meghan called for the fourth time as panic took control of her. One hand reached for her belly, as if she tried holding it to keep her baby safe.

"Katrina?!"

"Meghan?" a sweet voice called.

"Katrina? Oh thank the heavens you're safe!"

"I was searching for Roran, is he okay?!" Katrina had tears in her eyes but was fighting hard to keep them from falling.

"He is. He wanted me to come and get you..we have to get somewhere safe. If Galbatorix' men invade our camp we won't have time to run. And they wouldn't spare us, Galbatorix would make sure of that."

"Where do you want to go?" Katrina asked frightened.

"The woods." Ilphas mumbled, Meghan looked behind her, she didn't notice Ilphas up until now.

"The woods?" She asked looking over her shoulder.

"Yes, we can stay close to camp that way..but if things get too dangerous we can easily run. I know the woods around here and it would be safer." Katrina was nodding her head believing every word Ilphas was saying. Meghan was wondering why Ilphas choose the woods when the mountains were near as well. It would be a lot hard to find them if they were hidden in a cave. Her eyes narrowed.

"What are you hiding?" she asked.

"Nothing." He half-whispered while he looked into her eyes so intensely Meghan could hardly look away. A strangely familiar sound came from above them. The sound of dragon wings moving through air. Slowly and half aware of what might be going on, Meghan looked up. Breathing got so hard she thought it impossible, her heart was beating so fast it hurt and the empty hole behind it started itching. Now she realized why Ilphas wanted to take her to the woods. So she wouldn't see _him, _so she wouldn't realize he was here and still serving Galbatorix. She could see him clearly. Dangerously fierce and handsome on his ruby red dragon Thorn. His black hair blowing around his face. She looked down again, fighting the tears in her eyes. She looked at Ilphas, who looked back, she could've sworn he saw regret and hurt in his eyes.

"Come." He said and started running for the woods.

"I don't understand.." Ilphas mumbled "It shouldn't take so long."

"What? Eragon can't just defeat Murtagh in a few minutes Ilphas!" Meghan hissed.

"That's not what I mean." He was silent for a moment and Meghan wondered if he was ever going to tell her what he did mean.

"Galbatorix' army wasn't like the others. It was small, so small we can easily defeat them. I just don't understand what is taking them so long to defeat them. Murtagh could be a problem but he wouldn't kill Eragon, nor fight all of the Varden alone. Galbatorix wouldn't let him." Meghan looked the other way pretending not to hear Ilphas. It was as if he wanted to hurt her with his words. As if he wanted to make her realize even more what Murtagh had become.

"And I'm not entirely sure he would want to." Meghan couldn't help but say, forgetting Katrina. It was silent again, the screams of Varden and Galbatorix' men were the only sound. Katrina was awfully silent, afraid of what was happening to Roran. Meghan was sure he would survive, she saw him fight before, the young man was terrifying.

"He'll make it Katrina." She whispered, Katrina smiled faintly looking at her dress.

"Put this on." Ilphas took of his wide long black cloak and put it over Meghan's shoulders. His eyes focussed on her hands laying on her belly. "It's better if you hide it."

"Hide what?"

"The baby." He whispered with caring eyes.

"Why?"

"Just do what I tell you to do." He was fierce and cold again.

"What aren't you telling me?" Meghan asked but Ilphas was so silent and still that he could be mistaken for a statue. He was listening, seeing something that couldn't be seen with human eyes. And then they could see it too, through the trees. A man. He didn't have to say anything to make Meghan move. Although she knew it was best not to, she got up and walked out of the woods. The man kept his head down, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. His shining armour frightened Meghan, it changed who he had been for her. It was proof of his fate. Meghan kept the cloak around her but when he got too close she turned around. A part of her wanted to run back to the safety of the woods, wanted Ilphas arms to pull her away and never let her do something like this again. But another part, and she wasn't sure how big it was, wanted to be right there. Waiting for him to speak. He didn't. She could hear his footsteps getting closer. She could feel his presence behind her. She knew they were only inches apart from each other. She could feel him bend forward, his chin a few inches above her shoulder. Her head knew she should be afraid, terrified even. But she wasn't. She could only focus on the sound of his breath and the warm feeling of his it on her skin. It was so tempting to turn around. But if she did he would surely see. Right now she was protected by the wide black fabric of Ilphas cloak around her. But if she turned around, if she allowed him to look at her closer…butterflies dominated the lower part of her stomach. She wasn't afraid at all. She could feel the ring he gave her around her finger, knowing it would protect her as it did before. But if he would see, if he would see that she was carrying his child, he would know. And if he would know, Galbatorix would know. Meghan kept her head down, her eyes were half closed as she stared at the floor. Murtagh was so close she was practically wishing for him to touch her.

"Meghan.." it was a whisper of a broken soul "..I was never sorry for meeting you, nor for loving you, nor for still feeling the way I do about you. But I am sorry for all the other things I have ever done to you. When you ran away from Uru'baen you ran away with my heart, with my love and with my hope..but you need to know. That I would do anything, anything in my power, to keep you safe. I hope you'll understand one day that…"

It happened so fast. Someone or something pulled her away, she was on the ground in an instant. As she lay there on the ground, trying her best to keep her secret hidden under the cloak, she looked at him. Murtagh's face was furious, he was breathing heavily. Meghan followed his arm and saw his sword, Eragon's sword. She looked around to find the force that had put her on the ground and she saw Ilphas. His hand covering his side, blood finding it's way in between his fingers. Meghan shook her head and looked at Murtagh who looked at Ilphas with a strange look in his eyes. It was as if he was startled by his own action, surprised. As if he didn't want to hurt Ilphas. Meghan cried out Ilphas name as Murtagh turned around and walked away so fast she didn't see him when she looked back from Ilphas. He was gone.

"Ilphas stay with me..please."

"Please.."


	5. Truth Hurts

**Chapter 5 – Truth hurts**

Meghan got up and started to look around in panic.

"Murtagh you come back here!" she shouted frantically. "Come back and heal him!"

No response.

"Hold on." Meghan whispered when she got on her knees beside Ilphas again. "Just hold on."

"I thought he was going to kill you" Ilphas said with a pause to breathe between every word. He looked down to his hand covering the wound Murtagh left behind. Blood was finding it's way under and between his fingers. "He was considering it." He groaned. "I could never have let him kill you Meghan." Meghan wasn't listening, she could only think about helping Ilphas stay alive. They weren't far from camp, but nobody would hear them.

"Help! Somebody help!" Meghan was breathing too fast, tears came streaming down and if somebody wouldn't come help soon she was almost sure she would pass out. She couldn't take another friend dying. She couldn't take Murtagh being the killer he was.

"Meghan what's wrong?!" the familiar voice of Katrina sounded from far away. Meghan looked at the woods and saw Katrina running towards her.

"Who did this?!"

"You have to help! He can't die! He _can't_!"

"What happened Meghan? Who did this to him? He told me to hide as far as I could in the forest but he went back..why Meghan?"

"Not now!" Meghan shouted which startled Katrina. While Meghan got up to go and search for help Ilphas was losing consciousness.

"No Ilphas! No! Don't you give up!" his hand started to slip off of his chest leaving the wound open and bleeding hard. Meghan took off her cloak and ripped apart half of it creating a long dark bandage.

"Stop the wound from bleeding while I put this around him okay?" she looked at Katrina who was looking at the amount of blood covering Ilphas light blue shirt with red.

"Katrina look at me." Meghan tried to calm herself down "Give me your hands." Katrina put her hands in Meghan's and Meghan pushed them on the wound. "Now keep them that way, you're doing fine." Katrina was starting to hyperventilate, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was scared. Meghan tried to put the improvised bandage around Ilphas body, her hands trembling and her breathing unsteady. Inside she was panicking, screaming and crying, but outside she was trying everything she could to help Ilphas. She couldn't help but be sorry for ignoring him the past days, what if he didn't survive? He would never know how thankful she was, he would never know how much she cared.

"Good Katrina, now take your hands off of the wound. You're doing fine Katrina. We're going to get back to camp now, together. You and me, we can do this." Meghan was finished with the bandage. Each girl took one arm of Ilphas and pulled him up, the elf was extraordinarily light for a male creature his size. Meghan did her best not to look at him. Not to look at his silvery blond hair covered in blood. Not to look at his beautiful face of which life was escaping. It was hard carrying him even though he was lighter than any other man and she had Katrina to share the burden with. But carrying a child was sucking the life out of her. She wasn't as fast or strong as she once was and it was bothering her. She felt helpless.

They finally reached camp. Meghan started crying, partially out of relief and partially out of fear. Something inside her made her need Ilphas.

"Help us! Somebody!" Meghan cried out a frenzy starting inside of her working it's way out. Two men came running their way, Meghan didn't recognize them. They took Ilphas out of their arms and carried him to a tent in the centre of camp. Meghan ran after them, following their every move. She couldn't take her eyes off of Ilphas, she couldn't leave him like this.

"Wait here." A young man said after Ilphas was carried into the tent by the two other men. He was guarding the entrance of the tent and keeping Meghan out of it.

"I can't just wait here!" she yelled, the young man was startled for a moment. "I need to go in there!"

"You can't"

"Yes I can!" Meghan kicked him between the legs and ran into the tent followed by Katrina. Meghan couldn't find Ilphas at first, there were so many men in this tent, all horribly wounded by their opponent. Some of them didn't even have a face anymore. It was terrible to look at, it reminded her of the battle of the Burning Plains.

"Ilphas!" Meghan cried out when she finally found him.

"What are you doing here?!" one of the men asked her, Meghan didn't respond and sat down beside Ilphas. They were trying to put a new and better bandage on. It was all they could do right now. More and more men were carried into the tent, all of them contributing to the macabre symphony of screams and cries. The men left to help other victims. Katrina was crying, obviously scared by all that was happening.

"You should go and find Roran." Meghan said, her eyes fixated on Ilphas white face. Katrina nodded and got up, just before she walked away she turned back to face Meghan.

"The man on the field..it was Murtagh wasn't it?" Meghan didn't answer, her eyes still staring at Ilphas. "He's the one..he's the one you love isn't he?" Meghan didn't answer, but deep inside of hear another piece of her heart broke with the sound of a thousand thunderstorms.

It had been two hours, nobody helped Ilphas. He was barely breathing and his hands were cold. Meghan couldn't help but ask herself why Murtagh had become this monster. Then she heard a familiar voice. Eragon. She got up so fast she felt a strange kind of pain in her belly but it was gone just as soon as it came. She started walking toward Eragon on the other side of the tent. He was busy trying to heal Brath, an important general who's leg was partially gone. Meghan guessed this wasn't the first person he'd helped, and she had the feeling that this wasn't the only tent with victims of the battle.

"Eragon!" at first he didn't look up.

"Eragon!" she tried again.

"Meghan?" He looked over his shoulder and got up almost losing his balance. "Oh no are you hurt?!" he wanted to walk toward her but there were several half dead men in between them.

"No. No I'm not hurt." Meghan was confused by his question and looked down at her body. Everything was covered in blood, her hands were still red with Ilphas' blood. She tried her best not to scream of vomit.

"And Katrina? Is she okay?" Meghan nodded slowly facing Eragon again.

"You..you have to help me." She half-cried so softly her voice was barely a sound.

"What's wrong?" it was up until now Meghan hadn't noticed Lady Nasuada standing beside Eragon. Meghan was so confused about everything going on around her she hadn't seen her.

"It's Ilphas, he's hurt." her voice sounded so sad and broken even a stone heart would break just by the sound of it. Eragon took one step her direction but Nasuada stopped him.

"No, you should rest. What if Murtagh decides to come back? You're already weary Eragon." Her voice was fierce but she couldn't look at Meghan.

"Please." Meghan cried, her voice reminding Eragon of a little heartbroken girl.

"I want to help." Eragon said pointing at Meghan.

"I won't allow it. Meghan, get back to your tent. You're not supposed to be here."

"But you _have _to help!" the frenzy returned again. Meghan was furious at Nasuada who turned to her so fast and with such angry eyes would've been scared to death by this point.

"We can't." Nasuada said.

Meghan didn't return to her tent after what Nasuada had said. She sat by Ilphas side, always holding his hand and praying to whatever gods were out there. By the time the sun was already up Meghan had fallen asleep. Not even the screams of dying men could keep her away from the darkness anymore.


	6. I won't leave

**Chapter 6 – I come to you in pieces**

"_Meghan?" his deep voice seemed very close. Meghan was enjoying the warm sunlight on her face and slowly opened her eyes. His head hung over hers, a blinding smile on his face reaching his crystal clear blue eyes. _

"_Don't fall asleep." He mumbled with a crooked smile that made her heart skip a beat. _

"_I won't." she smiled. Two fingers from his right hand stroked her cheek going down to her chin and neck. He bend down and his warm lips kissed the thin skin of her neck. The feeling made her entire body tingle. He stopped and his warm breath just under her ear made her bite her lower lip to suppress a sigh. _

"_What?" He asked with his beautiful half smile he used when he spoke. _

"_Nothing." Meghan whispered while she pushed back a black lock of hair hanging in front of his eyes. _

"_I love you. Did you know that?" He asked, his voice serious again which made the sound of it even lower. Meghan nodded. _

"_I love you too." _

"_I love you no matter what happens, no matter what fate forces me to do. I will love you forever." _

"_Me too Murtagh. Me too." _

The feeling of a hot wet cloth rubbing over her hands woke Meghan up.

She opened her eyes just to close them again, the light hurt her eyes. She could feel a soft warm breeze that made it clear she was outside. Slowly and careful she opened her eyes again. The person who was cleaning her hands stopped but didn't say anything. She looked to the side into a very friendly smiling face.

"Ilphas!" Meghan bend over to lock her arms around his neck.

"Careful, we wouldn't want to crush you're baby." He teased, she could hear him laugh softly. For a moment she could only feel his body against hers. The very alive and warm embrace of someone who cared. And for the first time in a very long time she felt safe.

"You're healed! How, why, what happened?!" Meghan looked around, she was in front of her own tent, someone had made something similar to a bed for her to lay on.

"Well, I don't remember everything -but Eragon told me about it later.."

"Eragon?" Meghan said surprised.

"Yes, I woke up and you were sleeping next to me. All I could hear were the men surrounding me, it was such a dreadful sound. We, I mean those with a _talent _like me, we're exceedingly sensitive. Physically and mentally. The pain was excruciating when I woke up but then I saw who tried to wake me. The young Rider offered me his help and when I refused and told him he should help others first he told me you'd asked him for help. That it would break your heart if I wouldn't survive. So he healed me, well almost."

Ilphas pulled up his shirt showing the half healed wound across his stomach and side. Meghan's hand automatically moved toward the damage Murtagh's sword had left behind. Without thinking about it her fingers touched the skin around it. The warmth of his skin made her pull back her hand reminding her of how she used to touch Murtagh.

"Why didn't he heal you entirely?" She asked carefully scared to look Ilphas in the eye. She knew an elf would never get personal with another creature, they would never completely show themselves so easily.

"I told him not to. To regain his strength or help others. My time will come, or I'll just heal by myself."

Meghan swallowed, she was more than thankful Eragon helped Ilphas.

"Don't cry." Ilphas half-whispered wiping a tear from her cheek with his chest. Meghan hadn't noticed she was crying.

"I'm just happy you're okay."

"I have to be. Your baby will come soon and I'm supposed to be there when he does." Ilphas said, formal again. Meghan wondered if he could ever care for her without the idea of having to take care of her and her baby. If he would genuinely _want_ to be friends.

"You should try and bathe." Ilphas said after a long silence, they had both been enjoying the sunshine even though they were haunted by memories of the past. Meghan looked at her hands. Ilphas attempt to clean them hadn't worked that well, her clothes were stained with blood. She tried to get up but the weight and size of her belly made it harder than usual.

"Let me help." Ilphas said while helping her get up.

Meghan looked at the clothes she hadn't wore since she had left Uru'baen. The short leather jerkin didn't fit her anymore so she only wore the old shirt that was once her father's and the faded black trousers, she had to improvise to keep them up. She had nothing else to wear, nothing fitted her anymore and her father never learned her to sow. She braided her hair after washing it and finally looked like her old self again. Except for the huge belly. As strange as it was she felt her affection for the little baby growing inside of her grow everyday. She never thought she would be ready for this, and she still didn't believe that she was, but she would do whatever it took her to keep this baby safe. Having Ilphas to help her through this didn't take the pain of missing Murtagh away. She was ashamed to feel this way. Ashamed to miss him, to love him, to want him, ashamed to hope he'd ever change. She knew she was weak when she was around him. Just the sound of his voice or the warmth of his breath against her neck, made her put herself and her baby in danger. And even though he had broken her heart she still wanted him. But the man she loves was no longer there.

"Eragon are you there?" Meghan looked at the back of the tent and saw Saphira's tail.

"Meghan? Hold on, I'll come out." She heard him and she took a few steps back, looking around camp. Eragon came out putting his shirt on, she could see his body was changing into that of a warrior.

"I.." Meghan began, Eragon gestured she could sit down on a tree stump. "I want to thank you. For helping Ilphas." Meghan wasn't sure how to act around Eragon. She knew he was an important person, being a Dragonrider, but she couldn't act formal. Eragon didn't seem to want her to. But as his position with the Varden became more obvious to every one of them, Meghan found it hard to act like friends. Especially now half of the Varden saw her as a disgrace. The other half, the half who knew what she'd done for the Varden, seemed to act the same way they always did.

"You're more than welcome." He smiled. He seemed mentally tired.

"How are you Meghan?" he asked after a short silence. His voice was almost demanding the truth but in a friendly manner.

"Not so good to be honest." She tried to smile.

"Was it Murtagh who attacked Ilphas?" Meghan looked at Eragon in surprise after that question. Meghan didn't answer but Eragon knew enough.

"I recognized the form of the wound, Zar'roc was once my sword remember?"

Of course she remembered, she saw Murtagh take it from him.

"Did he see you? Does he know?" Eragon asked worried and they both knew what he was talking about. Meghan shook her head.

"He did see me. But I don't think he knows, I covered my body up mostly."

"What happened?" She looked at Eragon and noticed everything about him was different from his brother. She told him about what happened just a day ago.

"Hmm." Eragon thought about what Meghan had told him for a second.

"Why would he apologize Eragon?" Meghan said irritated and disbelieving.

"Because he doesn't want to do this." Eragon mumbled. "He's too stubborn to admit he can stop this. He thinks there's no way out but I believe there is..he just has to fight for it. All he has to do is change."

"Murtagh is too stubborn to change." Meghan whispered regretful.

"That doesn't mean he can't. Someone, or something can change a person even when that person doesn't want to or isn't intending to."

"What are you trying to say Eragon?" Meghan's eyes narrowed.

"Maybe, if he knew you carried his child.." Meghan got up. Although the love between Murtagh and her child was equal, she wasn't willing to endanger her helpless baby.

"No Eragon."

"I'm not saying you should.."

"No you shouldn't say anything!" She yelled turning around to walk away from him.

After visiting Roran and Katrina Meghan returned to her tent, the sun was already going to sleep and made place for the purple pink colours of twilight.

"What's wrong?" Ilphas was reading a book, it was as if he never left her tent.

"Nothing." Meghan sat down and started forming circles with her fingers over her belly.

"Meghan you can tell me." Ilphas was his very human warm side again.

"Are we friends?" she asked straight forward.

"I'm whatever you want me to be." Ilphas answered.

"That's not what I asked. Are we _friends _?"

"Meghan listen," He closed the book and put it down beside him. "I'm not familiar with human emotions. I've been thought to live for helping people. I was thought not to care about anything else. Whenever my duty is done, I'll find another."

"That's what I am? Just your duty?" Meghan asked. Ilphas looked at her not fully understanding her question, or the tone of her voice.

"I'm here to help you. Is that wrong?" he asked.

"No."

"I'll make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." Meghan mumbled.

"Maybe you're not hungry but he is." He pointed toward her belly. She couldn't help but wonder if her baby really was a boy. It felt like it, but maybe just because Ilphas kept referring to him as a 'he'. And so Ilphas ignored her comment on not being hungry and started making her something to eat, apparently he'd already gotten some ingredients.

All of a sudden Meghan felt something extraordinary strange happening inside of her. She was absolutely positive she could feel her baby move. A soft thump mad her gasp for air.

"Is something wrong?" Ilphas immediately asked looking worried as Meghan's hands held her belly.

"No..I don't think so." Meghan said completely overwhelmed by what just happened. Another thump, again Meghan gasped for air half laughing.

"What is it?" Ilphas got closer leaving the food for what it was. Meghan put her hand around his wrist and pulled his hand closer to put it against her belly. Another thump and she was sure Ilphas had felt it too. Ilphas smiled.

"A temperamental little creature, he gets that from you I sense." Meghan didn't listen to him, she was completely mesmerized by the now so very clear presence of a baby. After a while the thumping stopped and it was still again. Meghan couldn't help but be worried by this sudden change, soon enough she realized he must have gone to sleep or whatever babies do inside there.

"Listen Meghan," Ilphas said while he gave her her food. He sat on a tree stump, his elbows leaning on his knees. He bend forward. "I'm sorry I do not have the talent to easily converse about emotions. It's just that I'm not familiar with them, but I do believe that what I feel is called friendship. And I would be delighted to be your friend, I'm just not used to having any."

"Don't elves have friends?" Meghan asked feeling a bit stupid for asking.

"They do. But once my people find out one of them has a talent like mine, we are taken away from normal society. We're taught to get the best out of our talent, and just that. We're not supposed to mingle among our people, nor make friends. We are born to serve whoever needs us. Forever."

"You never felt the need for friendship with anyone before?" Meghan found it sad that Ilphas didn't have anyone to care for. No one to feel the beautiful emotions that were out there for.

"They never made me feel anything but needed for my talent."


	7. Broken Strings

**Chapter 7 – Broken Strings**

"_Look at your hands." His voice sounded compassionate. "You work too hard for a man you don't see as your king." He frowned and turned her hands around studying every piece of skin. _

"_Well I have to otherwise he'll.." Meghan stopped, she didn't want to talk about the punishments Galbatorix' men used when servants didn't accede to the king's expectations. _

"_I'll never let him hurt you again. I won't let anyone hurt you again." Murtagh stroked the skin over her cheekbone and smiled. "Thorn learned a new trick today." Meghan could see his eyes sparkle with excitement, he really cared about his dragon. While he was telling her about what Thorn learned she focussed on his every move falling even more in love with him. She studied his hands, which she hadn't before and noticed he had beautiful hands, strong and yet gentle. The hands of a fighter and a lover. When he was finished he sat down on the bed again and bend back into the pillows running a hand through his hair. _

"_I'm scared Meghan." She got closer to him and took one of his hands, her fingers gently caressing his. "I know." She whispered and didn't want to think about it. _

"_I'm scared of losing you." _

_* * * _

"Meghan, Roran's here to see you." Ilphas called from out of Meghan's tent. She got up and got out of the tent, it was still comfortably warm outside.

"Hi.." her enthusiasm faded when she saw Roran's face, he almost seemed furious.

"Why did you never tell me?" He half-screamed looking directly into her eyes. Ilphas protectively moved his body in between Roran and Meghan's. Meghan shook her head not understanding what Roran was talking about.

"What Roran?" it hurt her to see him this angry with her.

"Who you really are!" he screamed again, some of the Varden looked their way.

"I suggest you keep your voice down when you're going to talk about what I think you're going to talk about." Ilphas hissed.

"You _know _who I really am Roran." Meghan whispered.

"That's what I thought, before I heard you were Murtagh's spy!" Ilphas looked over his shoulder and was hurt to see Meghan in these conditions. He knew she had done everything for the Varden she could do, to be called a traitor wasn't what she deserved.

"What?" Meghan asked so calm and serene it scared Ilphas.

"You know what I said."

"You don't know _anything _about me or Murtagh Roran."

"Well enlighten me!" he screamed again.

"Are you sure you want to talk to a traitor then?!" Meghan was getting angry as well while she pushed Ilphas away and stood in front of Roran just inches from his body.

"Tell me." He said between clenched teeth. Meghan finally understood how she made Murtagh feel the first time they met, what it was like to be called a traitor when all you did was your very best to be anything but a traitor.

"I love him." Meghan said with mixed emotions of fear, anger and grief. "I fell in love with him when he was captured by the king. At first we didn't know what he was supposed to become Roran. How could we have known? I married him and had to run away before he became the monster he finally became. I was at Uru'baen as a Varden spy alright?! I put everything at risk to help the Varden. And now I'm back and I would do anything to protect my people, do not call me a traitor."

"You're carrying _his _child?!" Roran sounded truly hateful.

"I am, and if you care about me even the slightest bit you keep your voice down right now."

"You should sit down." Ilphas interrupted. Meghan listened to him while he helped her sit down, she didn't feel so well.

"How could you fall in love with him Meghan? I thought you were better than that." Meghan looked at him in disbelief, she couldn't believe he had said something so heartless.

"How could I be just a human being? How could I be a young girl, afraid and lonely, and meet the one person who made her feel safe? How could I?" She got up again, tears filling her eyes poking Roran's chest with her finger at every rhetorical question.

"You really should sit down Meghan." Ilphas said again forcing her to sit down.

"Roran please, she needs rest.." he turned to Roran who looked at Ilphas for a moment as if he noticed him for the first time in a lifetime.

"I just don't understand.." he said frustrated and sat down as well. "He's so..evil."

Meghan started to cry. "I know." She whispered.

"But was he like this when you met? How could you've possibly seen through the fact that he's Morzan's son!"

"It's not like he chose who his father was. He wasn't like his father, he's different."

"And look how that turned out, he's even stronger than his father."

"I cannot explain why Murtagh is doing this, but I am sure it's not willingly. I am sure Galbatorix has something to do with this."

"I don't care Meghan, how could you?" There was an awkward silence and Meghan didn't look at Roran for a long time.

"The same way you fell in love with Katrina." He didn't know what to say for a moment then turned to Ilphas; "Say something! This is insane!"

"None of this is Meghan's fault Roran. She was only loyal to her people and fell in love like most people do, it's quite human to do so I believe. Murtagh on the other hand, should've treated Meghan the best he could, and should still do so. He should be willing to give his life for her, and not bow for a king that is willing to destroy her any chance he gets. He should be here with her right now to show people that she was right about him, to prove that he is the man she fell in love with and that he is worthy of her love. So blame him, not her." After that Ilphas ignored Roran and focussed on calming Meghan down. Roran's lips formed at thin straight line as he was holding his breath to keep himself from saying anything further. He turned around and walked away.

* * *

"Calm down Meghan, don't cry everything's alright." For the first time in his long life Ilphas felt emotion in the words he was saying. At first it was just standard routine to calm a pregnant woman down with this words. But he really wanted her to feel better, he didn't want her to be hurt. These emotions confused him.

"Did you mean that?" she asked "Did you mean what you just said?"

"I believe I do." Ilphas said still surprised by the human emotions he'd never felt before. He could see her smile through the tears and could feel her small slender arms around his neck when she pulled him into an embrace.

"Thank you." She whispered, Ilphas smiled and whispered something in the old language which she didn't understand.

"You should rest, I believe the baby will come in a few days if I'm not mistaken."

"Days?!" Meghan's eyes turned big as she looked at him in disbelief. "What?!"

"I already told you this child was special and would come sooner than you thought."

"Yes well, I thought a few weeks sooner, not months! He'll be so small."

"And strong hopefully. He'll grow fast enough." Ilphas said as if that was logical. It was obvious he knew more than Meghan and she was sick of it.

"Tell me why this child is special Ilphas." It was silent and for a long moment his ice blue looked into her dark brown.

"It has to do with your parents."

"My p-parents?" Meghan was unsure about this subject. She lost her mother early in her life so she didn't know her that well personally. And she lost her father just a while ago, something that made her uncomfortable talking about him.

"Your mother actually." He smiled, a strange thing to see while he was talking about her parents. It almost made her feel like he knew her mother, like he knew her very well.

"Did you know my mother?"

"I already told you I knew your mother." Ilphas was cold and formal again but this time Meghan didn't care about that.

"Tell me Ilphas." She said clearly and fierce.

"I knew your mother. She was about the same age I am now when we met." He paused to let Meghan grasp the idea of what he was saying.

"Same age as you?" she said slowly "You mean she was.."

"Only half. It's very uncommon for humans and elves to have children but they do sometimes. I'm not sure of what kind of relationship your father and mother had, but they had known each other for almost half Brom's life."

"My mother was.." Meghan couldn't finish her sentence.

"Yes. You look a lot like her except for the eyes. You have the same eyes as your father, which is probably best for you because this way you don't stand out as much." Meghan touched her face with her hands to remind herself of the way she looked.

"But the only thing that is important is for you to know that you apparently inherited some elf qualities. Or your child has because it's growing too fast for human inclinations and it's stronger as well. Otherwise he would've never survived what you have been through before you came back home and otherwise our _connection_ would not have been so strong."

Meghan needed some time to progress all the things Ilphas told her.

"So, my baby will be born sooner than other babies?" Ilphas nodded slowly "and it will be strong enough to live?"

"Just as strong as a normal baby would be being born at nine months. There are always dangers Meghan."

* * *

"I'm sorry Roran doesn't understand. He was really upset by your conversation last night." Katrina and Meghan were doing laundry helping several men of the Varden who couldn't do it themselves.

"I should've told him."

"You were scared." Katrina said compassionate.

"I can trust Roran, I should've told him sooner. Maybe he would've understood if I only had the time to explain it before he saw what Murtagh had become.."

"Roran's bitter, he doesn't see any hope left if we don't all hate our enemy. There's not in between for him, only good or bad."

"Well maybe he is right." The girls were silent for a while enjoying the sunshine on their backs. Katrina washing shirts while Meghan hung them up to dry.

"Ilphas seems nice." Katrina said after a while.

"He is." Meghan agreed. It felt strange between them, Meghan knew Katrina wanted to agree with Roran but she also knew Katrina was a girl with a strong opinion about things.

"Katrina, Meghan." The girls looked behind them and saw Roran. He was dressed his best and his hair was combed. Katrina kissed him and held his hand after which Roran looked at Meghan with a strange look in his eyes.

"Nasuada wants to speak with you." His voice was hard and shallow, unfriendly almost. Meghan's heart started to pound harder.

"You told her?" she whispered in disbelief. Roran didn't answer.

"You told her? I trusted you! You were the only one I could believe in after all that happened and you just betray me like that? You know me. You _know _me Roran, how could you?!" Meghan cried and pushed him out of the way to meet Nasuada.

"Meghan I'm sorry, it's not what you think!" She heard Roran behind her.

"You are _not _sorry Roran Stronghammer."


	8. Dead Wrong

**Chapter 8 – Dead wrong**

Meghan's hands formed into fists while she was trying to stop them from trembling. She bit her lip as she arrived at Nasuada's tent.

"Meghan Helena's Daughter." She half-whispered to the guard who let her through on Nasuada's command. She sounded angry and worried at the same time, Meghan was afraid of the woman she saw as her leader. She was afraid of what she thought of her after all Meghan had tried to do for her people. She was afraid of shame. Nasuada did not speak as Meghan entered the bright red tent. Meghan decided to bow for her leader.

"Lady Nasuada you wanted a word with me." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"Meghan could you please sit down, Ilphas told me that your pregnancy wouldn't take more than a few days anymore. Something that confused me but the elf did not have the time to explain to me why." She paused and sighed, Meghan noticed the little Elva behind Nasuada's chair. Elva terrified Meghan, the child looked like an all knowing ghost, someone who had seen too much of this world and too early.

"I just spoke to Roran." Nasuada continued, Meghan could feel how her body tried to shut out all emotions. "Extraordinary man." Meghan had to try her best to stop herself from making an sarcastic coughing sound.

"He told me something about you that worried me Meghan. I wished you would've come to me and told me yourself."

"I couldn't I.." Nasuada stopped her by holding up her hand.

"I don't know what to do Meghan." Nasuada got up and walked her way. "Roran came to me and told me who you are..you're Murtagh's wife, and while I can partially respect your choice in picking him as your husband, I cannot forgive him for what he is now."

"But.." again Nasuada didn't let Meghan speak which wasn't a good sign.

"He stood up for you Meghan. While I was planning ways to punish you, to show the Varden what consequences were taking in a case of treachery, he stood up for you." Nasuada sighed and looked tired "He convinced me that you couldn't possibly be a traitor after all you've done and been through for us. He convinced me while he wasn't even sure he was right himself."

Meghan could feel tears forming in her eyes and couldn't hold them back, they found there way down. She had been so wrong about Roran.

"I was afraid I would have to kill you but Roran convinced me not to. Still I cannot let all this happen without consequences, if anybody finds out I'm not sure of what will happen. Maybe Galbatorix' spies are already here and who knows what they'll do to you if the king knew you were Murtagh's wife."

"He does know." Meghan whispered, her voice was broken.

"Excuse me?"

"Galbatorix knows. It's part why I had to leave, but he never send someone after me, he never tried to kill me."

"Maybe because he used you to control Murtagh." A third voice filled the room. Meghan looked behind her, it was Eragon. Nasuada looked at him with mixed emotions and decided to react on Eragon's comment.

"If what you say is true," she paused an seemed to think of something "and what you've told me earlier..that if Murtagh's real name would change, he would have a chance to escape from Galbatorix.." Nasuada looked as if all the puzzle pieces fell together.

"You can't!" Eragon seemed to understand as well, all the while Meghan felt as if she was missing a crucial piece of information. She could feel Eragon's hands on her shoulders, he was protecting her.

"What are you talking about?!" she said frustrated.

"Meghan, you're granted a new mission." Meghan looked at Nasuada and after that at Eragon who didn't look back at her but stared straight at Nasuada.

"What is it?" Meghan didn't understand what she could possibly do for her people in this condition at this moment.

"After you've given birth to your child you will leave for Uru'baen." Her voice was flat, emotionless.

"What?!"

"You will go there and find Murtagh. If he truly loves you, you'll be able to change him. To make him see the necessity of him changing and help him escape from Galbatorix. You're his only hope."

"What?! I can't just go back? Galbatorix will kill me! I can't go back, I can't take a child to that place! And Murtagh cannot know about the baby, if Galbatorix knew!" Meghan started to panic and stepped away from Eragon touching her shoulders.

"You can't ask this from me!"

"I'm not asking you to take your child with you. I will find someone willing to take care of your child until you return."

"What?" the anger turned into grief now. All this time she had walked around caring for this creature growing inside of her and now she just had to leave her baby? Leave it all alone in this dangerous world? Although seeing Murtagh again was something she wanted, and to be given the chance to change him was even more important to her, but how could she leave her baby?

"How can you ask this from me?" Meghan cried softly.

"I'm trying my best for the Varden Meghan. And I know you will too. I care for you as a friend, but you're one of the best spies we have, you're Brom's daughter! And if anyone would be right for this job it would be you."

"I won't do it." The words came out clear and fierce. Meghan refused to leave her child alone, she refused to leave Ilphas and Katrina. She refused to leave her people this time.

Nasuada looked genuinely surprised.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Nasuada.." Eragon wanted to argue with her but she wouldn't let him.

"As soon as you give birth you _will _leave. I cannot protect you here anymore, and if they find out who your are I won't protect you. You go."

* * *

While she slowly walked back to her tent she kept stroking her belly. She passed Ilphas who was sitting in front of her tent holding something small in his hands and sat down two steps behind him. She stared into the nothingness. Nasuada had been clear. Meghan didn't have a choice. Did she ever have a choice?

"What's wrong? I feel something is wrong with you. Was Nasuada mad at you? She couldn't possibly believe Roran could she?" Ilphas head turned around to face Meghan.

Meghan looked at him but couldn't speak for a moment while she was fighting to hold back the tears. One single tear escaped from her hold. Ilphas got up and squatted down in front of her to wipe away the tear with his thumb.

"Roran is a good friend." Meghan whispered.

"I do not understand." Ilphas whispered, his voice sounded strangely mysterious this way, like one of a siren.

"He didn't tell her to betray me, he told her to save me." She whispered as if she only just understood what Roran had done for her.

"She would've had to kill me if he hadn't told her, if he hadn't convinced her I wasn't…"

"So everything is all right?" Ilphas whisper was such a strange sound, such strange feelings in it.

"No. No it's not..They want me to leave…" it was only now that she looked Ilphas in the eye. "They want me to leave." She repeated.

"Why? I do not understand, you're not a spy, why would they want you to leave?" he sounded worried.

"A mission. They want me to change Murtagh's real name. To make him change."

"But I hardly believe that's even possible with Galbatorix wanting him as his servant. He wouldn't just let you change him."

"I have to leave." Meghan understood the sacrifice now, what she would have to leave.

"Calm down." Ilphas whispered again, his eyes a strange glowing colour blue. He moved his head and did something Meghan never expected him to do. He gently kissed her forehead, and for a moment Meghan was enchanted by this intimate and personal feeling between her and an elf. She could feel they were different, but she could also feel she was losing herself in what he was. She was afraid of what he was but never felt more safe.

* * *

Meghan had tried to get some sleep that night, to get away from the on going train of thoughts running through her head. To get away from all of it. But she couldn't get any of it off her mind. She sat up straight in her tent listening to the sounds from outside. Just when she started to feel so lonely it was hard to bear she could feel the baby kick in her belly. She smiled a bitter smile touching the place where it's little feet thumped over and over. She sighed and closed her eyes to cry in silence. She would do about anything to keep her people, her child and Murtagh safe. But if she left, would they be better off? Would it help all of them? She wondered how Murtagh would react on her return. It couldn't be a obviously planned return, he would see right through that. He wouldn't want her to come back for him like that, never not even the man he was now. But what kind of man was he now?

Even though it was late she could hear someone walk up to her tent. She guessed it must be Ilphas who was worried or came to check up on her, so she lay down again pretending to sleep. She didn't want his company right now, it would only make it harder.

"Meghan, are you sleeping?" a voice that didn't belong to Ilphas softly called. Meghan sat up straight again and stared at the entrance of her small tent questioning if she should answer to Eragon's voice.

"No." she said back, a sound just a little louder than a whisper. She got up and walked out of the tent to face him. His face looked strange in the moonlight, almost just as Ilphas' face.

"Are you alright?" he asked already knowing the answer to that question.

"Fine." Meghan decided to play along.

"I'm here to tell you what the plan is…when you leave. Nasuada didn't want me to tell you but you have the right to know what you're getting yourself into. So you can still decide whether you'll participate." Eragon sat down and gestured Meghan to do the same helping her in the process.

"As if I have a choice." Meghan said grudgingly.

"You do. You can always get away from here and hide. Raise your son in peace."

"Peace?! There is no peace in this forgotten land Eragon! To try and get away from here would be suicide."

"Yes well what you're about to do isn't much different." Eragon muttered.

"You don't agree with Nasuada, do you?" Meghan asked surprised. "You were the one who suggested I could change him Eragon." Eragon didn't dare to face her, instead he looked the other way in silence.

"Yes well I've changed my mind." Eragon said stubbornly.

"Exactly what are they planning to do with me to get me to Murtagh, Eragon?" Meghan narrowed her eyes and looked at Eragon's jaw which tightened. It was silent for a while again.

"You'll be coming with soldiers toward the toughest battlefield, we're guessing that would be the one Murtagh would come to, and try and get his attention. When we do.." Eragon paused and sighed clearly frustrated "..when we do one of us will have to attack you to make him save you."

Meghan laughed in disbelief "Attack me?" When Eragon didn't answer she started to think about what he'd really had said.

"But.." she mumbled "what if he _doesn't _save me?"

"We'll have to get someone there to heal you just in time. But he'll save you, something like that will bring out the old Murtagh."

"You're sacrificing me?" Meghan asked and frowned, she felt heart broken once again.

"Meghan.." Eragon wanted to protest but he was startled by Meghan's face turning white a grin of pain replaced the anger.

"What's wrong?!" he practically yelled when Meghan held her belly holding back a scream. His eyes frantically began studying her face and the surroundings.

"Get Ilphas." Meghan managed to scream out between clenched teeth.

"Is the baby coming?!" Eragon shouted waking up the people in the tent next to Meghan's.

"Just get Ilphas Eragon! Now!"


	9. It's gonna take a life to hold on

**So for all you people who read All I Ask of You, I've been busy with Sony Vegas and made this trailer. So it's one of my first projects with Sony Vegas, don't be too hard on me and don't expect too much of it..just thought you'd like to see it: ****.com/watch?v=2GWiBv82fok&feature=channel**

**Chapter 9 – It's gonna take a life to ****hold on**

"Meghan?! What's wrong?"

Meghan could feel Ilphas cool hands take against her cheeks. She opened her eyes trying to ignore the unfamiliar pain taking control of her body.

"I think the baby's coming." She groaned.

"This soon?!" Eragon yelled at Ilphas.

"Eragon, get Katrina and look for cloths and hot water." Ilphas voice remained calm, something he had learned from years of experience.

"Meghan you need to breathe. Can you get up?"

"I _am _breathing!" Meghan yelled impatiently as she tried to get up, Ilphas supported her and helped her lay down in her tent. People started coming out of the surrounding tents to see what the fuss was all about.

"Breathe Meghan." Ilphas said again. "Now, I need you to listen very carefully to me. You're baby will be stronger than you are, so don't worry it won't survive. You have to listen to me because I am going to do everything I can to make _you _survive this." He waited for a moment to make sure Meghan understood what he was saying, but she didn't seem to care about what he was saying at all.

"What do I have to do!" she groaned again, almost angry.

"Nothing, just hold on a few moments longer..he's not ready yet."

"Make him ready!" Meghan clenched her teeth together.

"You can do this, just hold on a little longer." Ilphas took her hand in both of his as she squeezed it.

"Ilphas?!" Eragon's voice sounded outside and Katrina entered the tent putting down a bowl of hot water and some cloths.

"Meghan, I'm here, it's gonna be okay." Katrina stroked a lock of hair out of Meghan's face. Meghan felt safer with friends around but she couldn't deny she had never felt more afraid or alone.

"It hurts!" she hissed between clenched teeth and looked at Katrina who started chanting comforting words. Slowly tears started to find their way out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

"It's going to be okay Meghan, I promise." Ilphas calm voice sounded slightly distressed.

"Promise?" Meghan half-cried.

"Promise." Ilphas kissed her forehead the way he had done before, the pain seemed to fade away for a brief moment only to return twice as fiercely.

"He's so gonna pay for this." Meghan cried out in pain clearly meaning Murtagh. Ilphas smiled faintly because of Meghan's character and then turned to Katrina.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"It's a boy!" Katrina squeaked. "A boy Meghan!" but Meghan didn't respond. In fact she could barely hear what Katrina was trying to say. The panic made her panic and she didn't believe she was ever going to get out of this. She felt dizzy and saw the everything twirl in front of her eyes. It was all fading to black as she felt her body weaken. She was ready to give up. Give up on everything and everyone. The entire world had disappointed her while she fought so hard to make everyone else proud, to stay alive and to help her people. It was over now, her time had come, she had done enough, she would leave behind a child that one day might change this dreadful world. Nobody needed her anymore.

"Ilph-" she couldn't even finish the name, her raised hand fell down as she lost consciousness just before she wanted to thank him and ask him to take care of her child.

"Meghan? Meghan!" Katrina shouted to ears that weren't listening anymore. Ilphas handed over the little baby toward Katrina who didn't pay attention.

"Katrina!" Ilphas raised his voice, his eyes shifted from Katrina to Meghan and back. "Take the baby."

"What's going on?!" Eragon's voice sounded from inside, when nobody answered him he came in.

"Meghan!" he cried when he saw the almost lifeless body of the girl.

"What's happening to her?!" he demanded but Ilphas didn't respond. He was mumbling words holding Meghan's hand in his, every now and then they touched her face. Eragon thought he saw pain on the elf's face, something that completely caught him by surprise, he'd never thought Ilphas would be this affected by Meghan.

"Bring her back! She's having a fever, you have to bring her back!" Eragon started to panic as Katrina tried to stop the baby from crying. He looked over his shoulder to see his nephew for the very first time. The helpless little boy was laying in Katrina's arms, ignorant of the fact that his mother might be dying.

"Do something Ilphas, you have to save her!" Eragon looked at Ilphas' face which was still concentrating but all of a sudden Ilphas looked him in the eye. His once clear blue eyes were black and Eragon knew he must've said something wrong.

"I'm allowing you here because I know Meghan needs your support. But you really need to stop talking Rider. She's been fighting for you and the Varden all her life and all you will do is sacrifice her for the greater good. Now I'm fighting for _her_. I _will _ save her. If I don't give everything I have now, she'll die for sure, and I cannot concentrate with your human emotions distracting me."

Eragon was surprised by the lack of respect in Ilphas his voice, clearly elves where as fickle as they were told to be. He decided to stop talking and be there for Meghan but deep inside he knew that what Nasuada wanted her to do was wrong and Ilphas had only made that clear. He didn't even know if there was a chance of survival for Meghan if she would even make it through the attack and to Murtagh. But what would he do with her? What would the king do if he found out? All of a sudden he snapped out of his train of thoughts because of a small change in the sounds surrounding him.

"Ilphas," he hesitated his big blue eyes fixated upon Meghan "She's not breathing."


	10. Everything rides on hope now

Guys I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I'll update more, I promise. And I can almost say that for sure 'cause it'll be a bit more interesting for me to write from now on..I'm not saying why just yet but some of you might guess it anyways. Thank you for your support!

**Chapter 10 ****– Everything rides on hope now**

"_I'm here. I'm here Meghan, it's okay." _

_The almost silent whisper called in the distance. Meghan felt afraid and cold, stuck in a nightmare that didn't seem to end. _

"_It's okay, it's just a dream." Murtagh's voice was so close, so gentle, but it was still hard to wake up entirely. She had a dream of a battle with the Varden, her life depended on that battle. Slowly Meghan could feel she calmed down, her body relaxed and she could start to feel her surroundings again. Her eyelids were still heavy as she felt Murtagh's hand trace a line over her arm, starting at her wrist slowly going up to make circles on her shoulder. _

"_I'm here. It's okay. I will never let anything happen to you. You can open your eyes now." _

Meghan tried to open her eyes. The amount of light in the tent blinded Meghan when she fluttered her eyes. At first there was nothing but blinding light, slowly her eyes started to focus on the fabric above her. Her throat was extremely dry and she couldn't move her body. The moment her eyes adjusted to the light was the moment she started to feel her body again. Something she had rather not started to feel. The amount of pain was so intense, so real, it made her cry out of despair. What happened? Out of panic she reached for her belly, it was as good as flat. The moment she realized her child was gone she started to breathe too fast, her heart pounded as if it was trying to kill itself and all she wanted to know was where her child was. She didn't care about the pain, she didn't care about death itself if that was what was waiting for her. She only needed to know where her baby was. Too weak to move she tried to call for help. Her voice was but a broken squeak. She tried again and again but nothing audible came from her lips. An empty cup next to her caught her eye. She took it and tried to throw is as hard as she could out of the tent. Someone had to see it didn't they? She could hear the cup fall not far from her tent, the strength in her arms had faded. She could feel tears stream down her temples.

"Meghan?" she heard a familiar voice as someone entered the tent. She forced herself to come up halfway to see who it was. She was more than relieved to see Roran's face.

"They took my baby." She said hoarsely.

"Meghan.." Roran sighed and sat down on his knees beside her "Oh Meghan we were so scared." He took one of her hands in his en stroked her cheek.

"They took him Roran." She started crying again. It was as if everything that had happened, everything she felt, came out at once. She couldn't keep her emotions under control at all.

"Your baby is okay. He's fine."

"He?" Meghan felt a proud smile form on her face.

"A healthy boy." Roran nodded. "I will ask Katrina to come over, but first..how do you feel?"

"Fine." Meghan lied.

"Be honest Meg." Roran mumbled.

"I think I'm okay. Everything hurts, but when I'll see my baby I'll be better."

"I'll get Katrina then.."

It was then that Meghan noticed something was wrong about that. Why was her baby with Katrina if all Ilphas was ever supposed to do was look out for him?

"Roran wait.."

Roran turned slowly, almost reluctant to face her because he didn't want to be the one to tell her.

"Where's Ilphas?" her voice trembled.

"Resting." Roran wasn't entirely lying.

"He wouldn't leave me. I know him."

"You shouldn't worry about Ilphas. You should rest, I'll get Katrina and your son."

It still sounded unreal to Meghan that she had a son. But the only thing she could do now was worry about Ilphas. He would never leave her alone like this.

"Were. Is. Ilphas." It wasn't a question, more a demand. Roran was afraid to tell her the truth. Because the truth was that Ilphas almost died trying to save Meghan. He had to be taken away from her or he would've given his own life to save her. The elves didn't understand how he could have been so reckless, so unlike the rest of them. So they took him away when they were sure there was a fair chance for Meghan to survive. They took him away just in time, the little life left in him fighting to keep him going. He had tried to fight them off but was too weak. It broke his heart when they took him away and he had been unconscious ever since. The elves tried everything they could to help him, heal him. But Ilphas appeared to be different from other elves and they didn't know how to help him. He was something in between that couldn't be helped by either man nor elves.

"I'm right here." The sound was a weak remain of what was one Ilphas's clear voice. He got in the tent and the sight of him startled Meghan. He was pale as if all the blood was drained from his body, his normally crystal blue eyes had turned black. He trembled as he walked and there was nothing left of the mysterious glow that used to come from his eyes. He almost seemed human, but a human in very poor shape. He could barely stand up straight as he walked over toward Meghan. It was only then that she saw a little bundle of cloths in his arms. He smiled a faint smile, something that scared her. He bend down and got on his knees, it took a lot of effort. Roran supported him in the process to make sure he didn't collapse right in front of her. He bent down toward her and shook his head when she tried to get up. Just in time, Meghan could feel her entire body protest against the movement. And while he bent down the most magical thing in Meghan's life happened. She saw her son's face for the very first time.

"Here is your son Meghan Helena's daughter." Ilphas weak voice sounded. Meghan couldn't believe her eyes. The child was so beautiful, so perfectly pure that she couldn't imagine anything in the world would want to hurt something like him. His skin was just a little paler than hers, the few hairs on his head a shade of brown near to black.

"He is perfectly healthy." Ilphas said while he helped Meghan sit up a little to hold her son. Meghan could feel Ilphas fingers were cold as ice and he sighed with every breath he took. Tears formed in her eyes as the little human being in her arms felt so real. He moved his little fingers and toes, his mouth making strange movements as if he was trying to make a sound. For the first time in a long time Meghan could cry out of happiness. She could feel Roran sit down on her other side, his hand rested on her shoulder.

"Hello baby." Meghan whispered through her sobbing sounds.

"Do you know a name?" Roran asked while he took the little hand of the baby between his fingers.

"Milas." Meghan said resolute, she had been thinking about a name for a while. "His name is Milas Ilphas Brom."


	11. Small crime

**I have had my first real writersblock ever. ****And I really really hated it. So I'm so glad I was able to write this again. And I'm so thankful for all of you who are reading my fanfiction and all the wonderful reviews. I'm not giving up on this story, ever. So prepare for some more chapters in the near future. Thank you so much and let's see how Meghan's doing..**

**Chapter 11 – ****Small crime**

Meghan had been asleep for most of the day. The minute she had seen her child a certain rest took hold of her. Her baby was safe, it was all that mattered. Having Ilphas next to her made her realize she would be okay now, and he would be too. So sleep had taken a hold of her, her body needed it more than ever.

That week her and Milas had been the perfect little family. With help of Katrina and Ilphas, Meghan started to feel better each day. Roran had left for a mission of the Varden, so Katrina spend most of her time around Meghan and Milas.

"I wonder what my child will look like, if it will be a girl or a boy.." Katrina mused while Meghan was walking around camp holding Milas close.

"I'm thinking a boy." She answered. "And he'll have your eyes and Roran's hair." She smiled. Milas made every bad thing in her world fade away.

"Roran would like that." Katrina smiled, Roran's absence had made her sad these days. Across the field at the east side of the Varden camp two male figures caught Meghan's attention.

"Is that.." Katrina's voice sounded surprised.

"Ilphas." Meghan finished. "And Jormundur."

"Are they fighting?"

"Take Milas." Meghan handed over her son to Katrina who stayed behind while Meghan walked toward Ilphas and Jormundur. She had never seen Ilphas like this before. His eyes were pitch-black and he was even yelling at the man in front of him. When Meghan got into hearing distance the two of them stopped talking and looked her way.

"Meghan.." Ilphas' voice sounded more human than ever before.

"Meghan." Jormundur said a little more formal.

"What's going on?" Meghan demanded. Ilphas walked toward her and put his hands on her upper arms.  
"Meghan you don't have to worry…"

"She's going Ilphas." Jormundur interrupted him and Meghan knew exactly what was going on all at once. She had recovered from giving birth to Milas. It was time to do what she had been asked.  
"It's her choice! It's suicide Jormundur, if you tell her to go you might as well kill her." Being around humans that long started to rub off on Ilphas, he was losing his temper more easily.  
"Ilphas.." Meghan tried but he ignored her.  
"I'm not letting all of you kill her, human." Ilphas placed his body directly in between Meghan's and Jormundur's.  
"Ilphas," Jormundur sounded compassionate all of a sudden "You are in over your head. You've done your job. The baby is born and it's healthy, Meghan's alive. You know you need to go back to your people." Meghan's eyes got big as she looked at Ilphas, frightened by the information Jormundur had just given her.

"You didn't know, Meghan?" Jormundur asked. "Well I'll let the two of you talk. Nasuada expects you by her tent Meghan." He left and as he left an awkward silence formed. Meghan didn't know what to say and neither did Ilphas.

"So, you're leaving?" she finally decided to break the silence.

"Meghan, you don't understand."

"O, I think I do." She wasn't being hateful, she really did understand. Ilphas was not one of them, he belonged somewhere else despite how much it hurt.

"Tomorrow there'll be a battle. I've seen it. Somehow I'm still connected to you. Not Milas but you. They'll expect you to let yourself get hurt so that Murtagh will save you."

"How can you be connected to me?" Meghan didn't think about the battle Ilphas just told her about, she was more curious about this.

"I don't know. They say that if you tune in on one creature or person long enough, you'll be able to do so unconsciously." His eyes were crystal clear again, his voice sounding like an angel's prayer. He looked into her eyes and Meghan knew she couldn't look away when he was talking like this. It was so clear how different he was from her.

"They?" Meghan mumbled barely audible.  
"The elves. But it doesn't matter Meghan, you need to listen to me. Murtagh _will _save you, but you'll have to be strong, you have to hold on until he gets to you. Don't give up before he gets to you. Promise me that."

"When are you leaving?" Meghan asked.  
"Promise me Meghan."  
"I promise."

"You are very special Meghan Helena's daughter." Ilphas whispered looking into Meghan's eyes again before turning his head sternly and walking away.

"You expected me." Meghan entered the tent without the usual bows and greetings.

"Meghan. I'm glad you're doing so well." Meghan kept her mouth shut and smiled a fake smile.

"I expect Ilphas has already told you about the battle tomorrow morning."

Meghan didn't even bother asking how Nasuada knew. She was waiting to get out of there. She knew what had to be done and didn't need another lecture about it.

"I'm not sure if I'll see you tomorrow. To keep you safer we won't try to contact you until you decide to yourself. And I wanted to wish you good luck." Meghan stood there, not knowing what to expect. She looked at Nasuada who got up and started pacing around her tent.

"Good luck and be careful." She finally said. Meghan felt anger and pain and grief go through her body with those words. So this was really happening? She would really have to leave Milas.

"May I be excused?" she asked trying to hold back her emotions.

"You may." Nasuada's voice was severe again. "O, and Meghan." She said just before Meghan walked out of the red tent. "I really am sorry."

"Are you okay Meghan?" Ilphas' voice sounded insecure, almost as if he could not understand what could possibly be wrong. Meghan held her baby while she sat in front of the fire and looked up at Ilphas. He looked as if he was glowing in the moonlight.

"Not really."

"Where's Katrina? She's your friend." It was obvious Ilphas didn't understand how to handle this particular situation, or how humans would handle it.

"She's asleep. She was tired." Meghan answered blunt. They sat in silence by the fire for a while. Ilphas got closer next to her, absentmindedly stroking his finger against Milas' cheek.

"I should put him to sleep." Meghan said while she got up and walked into her tent laying Milas down in the little bed Roran had made before he left. When Milas didn't wake up she decided to go back outside. There was a silence again, not uncomfortable. Meghan was glad she wasn't alone as she stared into the fire.

"I'm not going." He finally broke the silence. Meghan looked away from the fire to study Ilphas' face.

"I'll stay with Milas. I know Katrina would but I'll stay close, to keep him safe." The intensity of Ilphas eyes made Meghan blink.

"Thank you." Was the only thing she could say and she felt stupid for saying it. Thank you was not nearly enough for all the things Ilphas had done for her.

"Anything for you." Ilphas said, his voice clear even as a whisper.

"What?" Meghan asked when she didn't know what to think of Ilphas' words. She wasn't offended or angry, she was surprised.

"I know, I do not have enough knowledge of emotions to fully understand what has been going on. And I am sorry if I am being unclear, but.." he frowned as if he couldn't find the words. Meghan looked at him, encouraging him with her eyes.

"I feel.." he frowned again. "I want.." he stopped for a moment staring into the fire. Meghan followed his example and decided not to ask what he wanted to say. He was having a hard time expressing himself even without her pushing him.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing." He whispered so quick Meghan looked at him in confusion. Slowly he bend toward her. She was captivated by the look in his eyes and the soft glow coming from his skin in the moonlight. She wasn't breathing while he got closer. She could feel his warm breath on her skin and even though it seemed as if Ilphas didn't know what he was doing he had a certain power over her. He was so close now she could feel his nose brush against hers and then his lips softly touched hers. It was the strangest feeling, as if she was losing herself in warmth and happiness and white light. Ilphas pulled back and looked at her for a short moment only to kiss her again and this time deepen the kiss. She could feel how his hand touched her cheek and an unnatural feeling tingled through her body. It was Meghan who pulled back now. She was startled by what happened and stared into the fire again.

"I am sorry." Ilphas whispered, some of the magic of the past moment still lingering in his voice. What she had felt with that kiss was so different than anything Murtagh had ever made her feel. With Murtagh there was passion, fire and love, all raging through her body driving her insane. But Ilphas was as if she wasn't even herself anymore, as if he had taken away all of the pain and the anger and only left peace. That kiss made her realize how much she loved Ilphas as a friend. And how much she missed Murtagh as a lover.

"I need to be alone." She cried silently as she walked into her tent.


	12. Quiet screams the truth

**Chapter 12 – Quiet screams the truth**

It was late. Meghan had gotten back from her talk with Nasuada. She hadn't exactly been in the mood to talk about what was going to happen, but she knew she had to. Besides, it kept her mind off of the situation between her and Ilphas. But now she was alone in her tent again. Milas was sleeping, he had fallen asleep while Katrina had watched him. Meghan's thoughts kept lingering back to that moment Ilphas had kissed her. She felt wrong for letting him kiss her, and she felt even more wrong for enjoying part of it. The space around her heart, that had been so empty for so long, started to hurt again, causing tears to form in her eyes. She got up and got Milas out of his little bed. Holding him in her arms didn't keep her from crying, it was as if Milas triggered all the emotions inside of her. Tomorrow morning she would have to leave him with Katrina, get healed so that no signs of her pregnancy were left, and leave for battle. She would have to let herself get injured severely, but not die right that instant. And then she would have to trust that Murtagh would save her. She wasn't sure she trusted him to do that. She trusted the old Murtagh, but she didn't know if he still existed. Galbatorix was capable of turning men into monsters, and even though Murtagh had been strong, eventually anyone would crack under Galbatorix powerful pressure.

"Meghan?" a soft voice called from out of her tent. It was too late for random visits. Meghan didn't answer, she didn't know if she wanted to be alone or not.

"I know you want to be alone. And I know I may have hurt you with my actions, but I have to say what I did was not on purpose. I do not know what is going on inside of my body, and if you want me to deny my feelings..or leave you alone forever, I will."

Ilphas voice sounded sure of himself, he really meant what he was saying. But Meghan didn't want him to go, she didn't want to be alone. Not now. She heard him turn and a shuffling sound indicated that he was walking away.

"Wait." There was hesitation in her voice as she carefully got up. When she got out of the tent Milas woke up and started crying. She made hushing sounds as she cradled him and then looked up at Ilphas.

"He's hungry." Ilphas whispered, the look in his eyes so intense Meghan had to look away. She turned, expecting him to follow and he did.

"Ssh, it's okay, it's okay." She whispered to Milas as his little ice blue eyes, Murtagh's eyes, shed tears. "You don't like it when I wake you up, do you?" she could feel Milas' grip tighten around her finger as he pulled it closer and started sucking on it.

"You like that?" Meghan smiled at the sight of her content baby. Although everything was very new, and she was scared all the time something would go wrong, it also felt natural.

"You'll be an excellent mother." She heard Ilphas half-whisper behind her.

"If I'll still be around." She mumbled without turning.

"Meghan.." his voice was strained and she could feel his hesitating hands on her shoulders. "Don't say that."

"We both know this could end very bad." Ilphas hands slipped from her shoulders.

There was an awkward silence in which Milas contently kept sucking Meghan's finger.

"Thank you Ilphas." Meghan whispered as she turned around. She looked at the elf who was looking at her in wonder en didn't understand what she was trying to say. His eyes were the familiar blue of summer skies again.

"Tell me something Ilphas," she begun.

"Anything."

"Why do your eyes change colour?" Meghan asked dead serious. Ilphas perfect eyebrows popped up in surprise.

"Please tell me? I want to know about the elves, and about my mother.." she said hesitantly.

"Of course." He smiled the most gentle smile and Meghan couldn't help but wonder how a creature could go from plain scarily dangerous to angelically kind. Ilphas sat down and Meghan did the same, Milas still in her arms.

"My eyes change colour because of emotion. You may see the changes in mine more profound because of their original colour. I'm sorry if the intensity of my sometimes black eyes may have scared you." He smiled again.

"It didn't. I just noticed."  
"As for your mother," he went on "What would you like to know?" he turned his body so he was facing Meghan.

"How old was she? What was she like when you knew her, how did you know her?" Meghan decided to not ask too many questions at a time. Ilphas laughed softly, making him look almost human.

"I never asked her for her age, it would be impolite of me to ask. You're mother was much like you in a lot of ways. Especially the way you look, except you have your father's eyes..and his sense for adventure I might add." He smiled again. "I met your mother when I was helping a friend of her give birth to a son. I had never experienced friendship because of my gift, but looking back I think she was a friend. She was kind and caring, and very stubborn. Hence why she ended up with your father."

"Why did she end up with my father? She wasn't human, why didn't she choose one of her own?"

"You of all people should know you do not choose the one you love. Your mother loved Brom with such intensity he was probably overwhelmed by it. Her people told her not to leave with him, they found it dangerous, but she did."

"And she died." Meghan mumbled.

"Not for a while, she got to be happy, and she got you. Her life and time with your father did end too soon though."

"How old are you?" Meghan didn't care if it was impolite to ask or not.

"She was as direct as you are too." He said before answering "I'm 313 years old."

Although it didn't surprise her Ilphas was over three centuries old, she still found it strange to see such a young creature beside her. In his 313 years Ilphas probably had experienced a lot, but there were also a lot of things he never got to experience. Without asking Ilphas told her more about the elves, things Brom never told her before. Meghan got swept away in his stories and his calming voice. She wasn't scared anymore. She didn't feel tired or alone anymore. And for a while she allowed herself to enjoy the safety coming with Ilphas' presence.

It wasn't until she felt someone take Milas out of her arms she noticed she had fallen asleep. She opened her eyes and saw Ilphas laying Milas down in his little crib.

"I fell asleep?" Meghan asked, trying to remember what was the last of Ilphas stories she remembered.

"You did. And you should go back to sleep, you need your energy for tomorrow." His eyes were sad as he walked toward the opening of the tent.

"Please stay." Meghan said, desperate to not be alone and to keep Ilphas with her for the short time she could.

"You really should sleep, Meg."

"I don't want to be alone. I want you to be here when I wake up, when I have to go.." Meghan couldn't finish her sentence. Ilphas turned and walked her way, his body moving graceful and firm. He sat down next to her and layed his arms over his knees.

"Sleep now Meghan." He whispered. But Meghan couldn't, she pushed herself up and looked at Ilphas for a moment. Then, determined, she layed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. His body was stiff and he didn't give in.

"Just lay down and rest, Ilphas." She could feel his body loosen up as he slowly lay down. When Meghan placed her head on his chest and laid down herself she could feel his surprise, which soon turned into comfort and affinity. Meghan focused on Ilphas breathing, slow and steady, as they lay in silence.

"Meghan." Ilphas whispered, not sure if she was asleep or not.

"Hmm?" Meghan hummed, half asleep.

"I know.." he stopped and raised his voice just the tiniest bit. "I know you may not ever be able to love me like you love Murtagh, but I want you to know I'll always be here for you. Whenever you need me, I'll be there. Waiting, forever."


	13. Courage comes to an end

**Chapter 13 – Courage comes to an end**

Meghan was sitting in front of her tent holding Milas. Everybody was busy preparing to leave for battle. It would not be far away from camp, but far enough to keep the rest safe.

When she woke up in the arms of Ilphas this morning it surprised her that she didn't feel uncomfortable. She knew how he felt about her, and she couldn't return those feelings if she wanted to. But still she felt more than comfortable around Ilphas. It scared her. Just like today scared her.

"Goodmorning." She heard behind her when Ilphas came walking from the direction of Nasuada's tent.

"Are you ready to be healed?" he asked, a little smile dancing around his mouth. How could he be smiling now?

"yes." Meghan answered trying to limit the use of her voice to not let him hear how scared she really was. She was staring down into Milas' clear blue eyes, Murtagh's eyes.

"You can take him if you want to." Ilphas said, waiting for her to come with him.

Meghan was surrounded by three elves, and then there was Ilphas. Holding Milas like there was not a care in the world. He looked at her with peaceful eyes, his mouth still smiling just the tiniest bit. He didn't look human, he looked like an elf was supposed to look. And now he seemed more distant and out of reach then he ever had been. The three other elves layed her down and started to roll up her blouse. She was already in her battle clothes. She could feel cold hands, and then a warm glowing feeling. Like something surreal was happening to her. It was nothing like the time she got healed while she served Galbatorix. There was no pain at all. Everything was blurry and good and quiet all at once. The elves didn't speak, they never spoke to her. All of a sudden, the cold hands and the silence was gone. And there was Milas crying out loud. She sat up straight and looked at the elves.

"Thank you." She said and she meant it, the elves just simply nodded and turned to walk the other way. Why wouldn't they look at her?

Her thoughts returned to Milas crying and she got up. Ilphas walked her way.  
"You did well." He said, his voice serene. She took Milas in her arms and shook him gently.

"Ssh, it's okay." She could feel tears well up in her eyes "It's okay." She said again, trying to convince herself along the way. She turned from Ilphas to walk around the tent with her baby. Slowly but carefully. She felt great, physically. Mentally she felt like a mess. She didn't know what to do, eventhough it was carefully told to her several times, she didn't know how to feel.

"I love you Milas. More than anything in the world. And you'll grow up to be a beautiful and strong young man. And I hope to see that someday." Milas grabbed her finger with his little hands and put it in his mouth. He seemed content with his mother's attention.

"You will." She could feel Ilphas slender fingers on her shoulders and turned.  
"We don't know that. If Galbatorix finds out.." Meghan stopped her sentence from becoming sound. Ilphas closed his eyes, trying not to think of what she just suggested.  
"Listen to me," he took her face into his hands "You, and him" he looked down at Milas "and hopefully Murtagh will be happy. You won't be like this forever. You deserve peace. All the Varden do. And what you do is not only important for Murtagh, it's also of great importance of your people. To be willing to do this for them, makes you an incredible human Meghan." He kissed her forehead and something deep inside Meghan said that this felt a lot like a goodbye.

"Now when you leave this tent. You don't look back. I promise I will guard your child with my life, and you make sure that you come back to him."

He sounded so much like a human again, he even looked like one. His eyes full of worry and so earnest. She could feel a peace of her heart break at that moment. He carefully but deliberately took Milas out of her arms. She bend down and kissed her son.

"I love you." She whispered.

"He knows." Ilphas whispered back. She touched her child one last time, hearing the men outside getting ready to leave, and then looked at Ilphas.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, and she was sorry. Sorry for everything, for not loving him the way he loved her, for being such a burden, for leaving him behind. She kissed him briefly on the mouth and turned. Tears in her eyes as she left her best friend and child behind. Everything seemed blurry as the tears escaped from her eyes. She took her weapons and walked to the nearest wagon to sit side by side with two young men about her age. They seemed far to young to go for battle, which reminded her of her own age yet once again. She sighed and shut her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying again. Slowly she breathed in and out when the carriage took off for battle.

"Meghan!" she heard a voice in the distance and she didn't recognize it as reality at once. "Meghan!" she felt someone poke her and opened her eyes. She looked at where the sound had come from. Ilphas was running after the carriage, he was fast and elegant as he slowly seemed to catch up on the riding carriage. She got up to look at him.  
"What are you doing?!" she cried almost hysterically. Someone held her to keep her from falling off the wagon. When he made it to the carriage he easily jumped on it, avoiding the many men riding along.

"I couldn't let you go. Not without me being there to keep an eye on you when things go wrong." he said while holding her small head in his hands and hugging her. "I couldn't."


	14. Lacrimosa

_I've waited a long time to write this chapter. Now it's finally here. __Extra long because I couldn't stop writing..Dedicated to those who followed Meghan and Murtagh from the beginning. Thank you. _

**Chapter 14 ****– Lacrimosa**

They were already fighting. It was an awful sight to be riding towards. They were the last wagon of the Varden to arrive at the battlefield, but the Empire had not waited for them. They were with many, all dressed in black and silver armour, on their chests black cotton embroiled with Galbatorix's initials. They looked powerful, even though some of them could hardly be sixteen. Their faces pale and serene, as if they couldn't care less. Meghan could feel anger and fear rise in the space behind her heart. Every piece of her body was as alert as it ever would be. She had never felt so healthy in her life, and still the feeling that something was horribly wrong overcame her. Men were starting to get out of the wagon and run toward the battlefield. It was dark and there was fire spread across the field were her men were fighting. Her people.  
"Ilphas wait," her voice sounded weak as the elf turned, his long blonde hair framing his fierce face. Part of it drawn back to keep from falling into his eyes. Meghan looked down on the ring around her finger. The ring she had treasured for so long, that had brought her comfort and hope. And that had saved her life. Murtagh's ring. The one that prevented him from ever hurting her, or killing her. As long as she wore it. Slowly but deliberately she took it off.

"What are you doing?" Ilphas didn't understand.  
"Here," Meghan looked around, they were getting awfully close now, she pushed the ring into his hands and looked at him. "I need you to give this to Milas. Make sure he'll always wear it around his neck. He can _never_ take it off. Do you understand?"

"Meghan why?" Ilphas looked at her but she didn't answer him, not yet. She made sure she got everything for battle and jumped off the wagon, followed by the elf. She studied the battlefield to make sure where she was going. When she was, she answered him.  
"Because it's the only thing that can keep Murtagh from harming the one who wears it." She said and ran off into battle. She knew she had to run from Ilphas after telling him the truth. Otherwise he would never agree with her taking off that ring. But if she never took it off, she wasn't sure if she could ever give it to Milas.

XXX

It was as if her entire body had been renewed. The elves had done an magnificent job. The last time she felt like this had been years. Everything moved easily and without any complications. As soon as someone approached her to attack, she drew out her sword and fought back. It seemed only natural. Again and again she fought the men who misjudged her by her appearance. She was small and fragile looking, but felt nothing like it. The rage coming from seeing the Empire attack her people yet once again made her feel stronger. She didn't even think about what was going on or what was supposed to happen. She fought to defend her people, and to defend her child and in memory of her father. And then she heard it. The sound that she had to wait on. The moment that would trigger a dangerous plan. The sound of wings in the air, cutting through the air with massive strength. She was startled by the sound, her breath caught and her heart skipped a beat. It had caught her off guard as she looked up and saw how close they were. Thorn, the big red dragon that looked lethal in the eerie light of flames and his Rider. She could not see his face. And wondered what it looked like at this moment. If there was still anything at all left of the old face. The bitter smile or the broken eyes.  
She was caught by surprise when she heard a voice behind her.  
"Better watch it there Meghan." And the clinging sound of sword on sword. An unnatural wave of emotion went through her as she saw who just saved her from an injury that would eventually be inevitable.

"Roran!" she literally cried, and hugged him briefly. Taking in everything about him to remember later. At that moment she forgave everything that happened between them before. And just saw the wonderful person he had been to her. He turned to fight a huge fat man, sweat and blood covered his bold head. Meghan on her turn fought a man about her age, handsome and well built, rage in his eyes and a crooked smile. She turned to catch him off guard and managed to pierce her sword through his chest, not even thinking about killing a man. She had never wanted to be like this.  
"What are you doing here?!" Roran yelled over the sounds of roaring men and clinging swords.

"What does it look like?" Meghan yelled back, falling to the ground as an older man tackled her. Roran ran toward her, smashing someone's head with his hammer, and helped her up.

"You're here for him aren't you?" He asked in the brief moment he could look her in the eye. They both knew who he was talking about. Roran always understood Meghan better than anyone. She didn't answer.

"Please tell me you're not here on a stupid mission." He yelled over the back of a soldier he just killed. Killing seemed effortless to Roran, but Meghan could see the pain in his eyes. The bitterness.

"Nasuada send you." Meghan refused to answer him, but it wasn't a question, she started running again, trying to help out a wounded man of the Varden, who was nearly being killed. Roran followed her, his hammer leaving a trail of death and destruction. He was remarkable.  
"So what Roran?!" she yelled while she helped up the man and gave him back his sword, wiping blood from her cheek. "So what if she sent me? I'm one of them." She gestured to the men fighting around them. Roran grabbed her shoulder and pulled her down, hovering over her and heaving his hammer so he could break someone's chest. The cracking sound was awful and Meghan could hear the man's last breath as he fell on her. Roran pushed him away from her.

"What do they want you to do." It was a demand, he wouldn't leave until he got an answer. Roran was just as stubborn as Meghan herself. He wouldn't stop. She fought in silence for a while, finally feeling tired because of all the physical strain.  
"I have to get to him." She said and ducked to avoid someone's axe.  
"How?!" Roran yelled while he fell to the ground because of a massive blow agains his back. Meghan ran toward him, killing the man who hit him in the process.  
"Get myself injured."  
"_Yourself_ injured?!" he took her dagger out of the belt on her hip and threw it to a man behind her, it stuck in his ribs and he fell to his knees.  
"Thanks." Meghan said dryly while she took the dagger back, avoiding the subject.  
"Nasuada hopes he'll save you." He said, suddenly realizing what the plan was. "She hopes you can convince him to join the Varden."

"Save him." Meghan corrected, after which she got hit by a man. The huge ring on his finger left a deep cut on her cheekbone.  
"You're not doing this." Roran roared "I won't let you." He kicked a man to the ground, the axe of his victim cutting his upper leg, Roran's merciless hammer taking life as if it was his to claim.  
"I have no choice." Meghan's voice was so desperate, so convincing that Roran only needed to look into her eyes to know it was true. "Nasuada gave me no choice." She corrected, breathing heavily while Thorn flew over them again. He was circling the place they were standing. Meghan looked around and saw the Varden general Wiel roaring to his men. Murtagh was probably keeping an eye on him.

"Then I'll help you." Roran said determined. Meghan looked down again, the men around her temporarily distracted by the dragon above them.  
"What?!" Meghan was confused.  
"I'll help you. I'll do the injury, I'll make sure it won't kill you immediately. Anyone would want you to die instantly Meghan. It's our only choice." Meghan could see tears form in his eyes, his bitter face seemed defeated.

"It's my way of protecting you." He said a little softer, she could barely hear it. They both nodded and fought the men around them one last time. Meghan drew her dagger and gave it to Roran.

"Do it." She said, "Do it now." With more determination. Roran took the dagger from her hands. Mouthed "I'm sorry." And stabbed her right in the area above her left hip. The pain was excruciating as she screamed in agony, she fell to her knees leaving the dagger where it was to keep it from bleeding to hard. Her hands folded around the blade, warm blood coming out of the wound. Meghan looked around where she was, she was near the edge of the woods, if she could only make it to there. She got up, Roran wanted to help her.

"Go, now." She said with clenched teeth while she stumbled and fell again. "Now!" she hissed. She cried out in pain again while she tried to get up, dragging her sword along with her as she crawled. She could hear the shuffling of footsteps behind her and turned on her side, bringing the sword up to slash it through a man's skin. It took so much effort, and she was dizzy with pain. Breathing got harder, moving even worse. She crawled, looking at the edge of those woods. It seemed so far away. She could hear the screams of dying men, the roar of Thorn and she could even feel the heat of his fire. Everything was so blurry, so heavy, she was getting so tired. She kept crawling, barely seeing a thing but the flashing of Thorn's breath of fire. The pain around her hip area seemed to spread, like stinging heat going all the way to her lower back. She could still feel blood running through her hands. And then she felt her other hand touch something strange. Something hard and natural, and she realized it was bark. It was a tree. She looked up to see the edge of the woods rising up above her. She could feel how cold she was, even though there was fire everywhere. Everything was fire. Everything hurt. The deafening sound of wings was everywhere. Pain, such pain.

XXX

It was silent, so silent. And she was cold. Her eyelids were so heavy she couldn't open them. Maybe she didn't try hard enough, maybe she didn't want to. She was so cold. Everything in her body was cold. Even her bones. And then it hit her, the pain. Her entire left side seemed to be burning and pounding and she couldn't remember why. And then she could. Roran did this. For a moment she was angry at him, but she realized she was being wrong. It hurt so much. She was startled by a crackling sound. It sounded like wood, wood on fire. It smelled like wood on fire too. She tried so hard to open her eyes. Then she heard shuffling, footsteps, someone was out there. She didn't want to open her eyes anymore, if they would know she was still alive they would kill her. She couldn't be killed. She needed to lay here waiting to be saved. It was hopeless to think Murtagh would save her. But Ilphas was here, he would take her away and make her better again. He would take away the pain. It was silent for a long while but the sound of a cracking campfire. There had been so much fire, why wasn't she getting warmer? The cold was even worse than the pain. If she wouldn't get warmer soon, she wouldn't hold on, she was sure of it. She forced everything inside her to open her eyes. And with a lot of effort and a groan of pain she blinked a few times. She stared up at the dark night sky. There were no stars, no star or moon could conquer night. Slowly she remember the cracking fire. She wanted to get closer to that fire. She needed to. She turned her head and felt something itchy brush against her chin. She looked and saw a dark green blanket was put over her body, all the way up to her chin. Something moved in the dark distance and Meghan's eyes focussed on the shape making the shifting sound from before. When she tried to get up she groaned in pain, trying to keep the sound as silent as possible but failing at it.

"You should stay down." The voice was but a mere cold and shallow replica of what it had sounded like before. It was still the deep, attractive voice of Murtagh, but all emotion had left it. The voice of the man she loved sounded harsh and cruel. Meghan lay down again, too fast. She stared up at the sky. Nasuada had been right. It all came back to her clearly, the fight, how Roran had injured her to keep her from being killed instantly, how she crawled for the woods. She looked again, finding out she could also see the vague shape in the shadows at her right by just turning her head. He sat just outside of the light the fire provided them with. His shape a little darker than his surroundings.

"Why did you save me?" her voice was barely a whisper, her throat painful and dry leaving a hoarse sound in the air between them.  
"I didn't. You're still dying." He said matter-of-factly, his voice frightening her, but also making her angry and hurt. It was the truth. She was dying, and she would die if no one helped her. She could feel life leaving her body like the warmth that had once been in it.  
Tears stung in her eyes and she tried to breathe normally again, trying not to panic.  
"Why.." Meghan groaned again while she tried to get up. If she was dying she might as well get some answers. She could see him flinch but didn't have time to care. She could feel fresh blood dripping down her side.  
"Lay down." It was an order, cold and harsh from master to slave.  
"No." Meghan wouldn't let him talk to her like that and supported herself with her elbows. It hurt like nothing else she'd ever experienced (not even Milas his birth) but she wouldn't give in to his orders.  
"Lay down." He hissed. She didn't even bother to react to that tone. This wasn't Murtagh, this was a stranger. And she wouldn't listen to a stranger talking to her like that.  
"What's wrong with you?" he asked as if he had never met her at all and she was acting completely insane.

"Do you _want_ to die?" he sounded irritated, his words a growl.

"Would you care?" Meghan snapped back. The silence was hurtful and awkward. Like there were words screaming in the air but neither of them could hear. She couldn't support herself anymore as she dropped to the ground. Tears filled her eyes and she gasped for air. She could hear Murtagh shuffle and he was at her side, looking down at her. Being careful enough not to touch her. He was so close, so real. She had missed him like she would miss her own heart, but this was not the man she loved.  
"You need help." He said, a flash of the old Murtagh in the way he moved his eyebrows and nodded his head. But then there was that merciless voice. Meghan couldn't answer, the pain was too strong. Her entire body seemed broken, she slowly curled up to a little ball, crawling toward the fire. Away from Murtagh. The fire seemed better, she could barely feel the warmth but the little she did feel gave her hope. She could feel her fingers again.

"Turn around." His voice was suddenly close, a whisper but still a demand. Meghan ignored him and stared at the fire. For a while there was that silence again. And then she felt two hands, one on her shoulders and one just below her hip, being careful not to touch the wound. He turned her on her back without saying anything. She didn't look at him, doing anything but searching for his eyes. He sighed. A sound that made her look up, her dark brown into his ice blue. A wave of emotions exploding inside of her.

"This doesn't mean anything." He said, his voice irritated and strained, so cold, as he slowly pulled up her shirt and examined the wound. His fingers scarcely touched her, trying to avoid contact with her skin as much as possible. He was being cool through all of it, as if he was examining something that wasn't alive. Something that wasn't his wife.

"This is going to hurt." He said apathetic. And the pain that followed was enough to rob Meghan of her consciousness.


	15. Untouchable

**Chapter 15 – Untouchable **

Meghan could hear the faint sounds of someone moving, sounds that reminded her of early mornings at the Varden. But this time it weren't so many sounds, this were the sounds of one man. Meghan opened her eyes. Too often did she wake up like this lately. Sore, uncomfortable and tired.  
She slowly turned while her eyes adjusted to the light, it was morning, or something close to it.

"Finally." She heard his voice, irritated and low. She turned to where it was coming from. He was sitting on the other side of the fire, eating from a little wooden bowl. When she turned, she noticed most of the pain she had felt was gone. Realisation made her look down at her hip, as if she could see the wound right through her clothes.

"You'll live." Murtagh murmured almost regretful. She turned to face him and slowly got up, trying out if her body had gained that much strength already. It did. Her hip still hurt, but it felt more like a normal cut and bruise then a life threatening wound. Dried blood was everywhere, that of men on the battlefield and her own. For a brief moment she wondered if Ilphas and Roran had survived, but she quickly forced herself not to think about it.

"Thank you." It was a whisper, but she really was thankful. Murtagh had saved her life, and that –to Meghan- meant there was still some good left in him.  
"Like I said, it means nothing." He got up and threw the last of his food away to clean the bowl and put it back where it came from. He didn't look at her, not once. They were silent for a while. Meghan stood there, looking around trying to find out how far they had gone from the battlefield. She tried to walk but felt dizzy so she immediately sat down on a dead tree.  
"Murtagh," he flinched at the sound of his name coming from her mouth. She could see it even though he was trying so hard to hide it. Why was he hiding from her? It was silent, he didn't respond so she decided to go on. "What happened?" her question was careful but determined, she would take advantage from the fact that he hadn't been cold and cruel up until now.  
"You got stabbed, lost a lot of blood." He said without looking at her, pretending to be busy packing his belongings. Where was Thorn?  
"I know that." Meghan sighed "I mean what happened with you?" her voice broke although she hadn't wanted it to. He looked at her now, straight into her eyes. His face didn't match up to the expression in his eyes. His face was hard and cruel, mean even, but his eyes seemed to be pleading for help, almost relieved she asked him that question. She could see it, and it broke her heart.  
"Nothing. I'm where I belong. What I'm supposed to be." Again he couldn't look at her, instead he walked away from her, turning his back on her.  
"You're not." Meghan got up and took one step into his direction, stopping herself from going further. Her voice sounded like a cry. "This isn't you." She said, her voice more steady this time.

"It is!" he turned so fast it startled her, he screamed so hard it made her flinch. "This is what I am. All I was ever supposed to be. I'm a killer. A slave. And you and Eragon all think you can _save _me. But don't you see? I was never good, I was never a hero. This was me all along." His breath came in little pants as he spit the words out.  
"Murtagh," she took two steps closer but jumped back when he shouted.

"No!" he turned away again.  
"Murtagh, you can stop this." She was careful not to say the wrong things "You can be the hero I know you are." She half-whispered, her voice gentle and warm. She slowly moved her hand toward his shoulder and wanted to touch him so bad it hurt. But when he turned to her touch his face was like that of a mad man.

"A hero?" the grin on his face was like nothing she had ever seen before. It was scary, as if everything Murtagh had ever been was gone. Lost. He laughed a humourless laugh. Meghan stumbled backward shaking her head, he scared her. Murtagh was making excuses for what he was doing. He was too weak to show Galbatorix resistance, too willing to stay alive in spite of anything. He was selfish.  
"You're not even trying." She whispered shocked, that triggered something in Murtagh and she saw him move, knew what that move meant but couldn't register it fast enough. A sharp pain went through her cheek as the blow of his strength made her stumble trying to keep her balance. He had hit her. Warm blood dripped over her cheek, he had opened up yesterday's wound. She looked at him, all the anger she had gathered the past few months obviously showing in her eyes along with shock and pain. The madness and anger on his face seemed to fade as he walked toward her grabbing her wrist. He held up her hand staring at it as if it was the most important thing in the world.

"Where is it?" he growled as he pulled the other hand toward him. His hand raised up to feel the area around and below her neck. The gesture would have been intimate if the both of them wouldn't have been raging with anger.  
"Where is it?!" Meghan could feel she was dizzy but she refused to give in to it, she stared Murtagh right in the eye refusing to answer him. Her hand slowly moving toward the blood on her cheek, she pulled it down again to look at her own blood on her hands.  
"Gone." She whispered almost with amusement in her voice.  
"You foolish.." before he could finish his sentence Meghan hit him with all the force in her body right across his face. He kept his face turned away from her for a while, wiping the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he turned again, grabbing her by her shoulders and pushing her backward. She almost stumbled over her own feet but he held her up. Pushing her further her back slammed into a giant tree. He pinned her against it, one hand around her neck the other keeping down her hands. He could kill her so easily and no one would have noticed. For a while Meghan was so scared her heart seemed to try and beat it's way up her throat. She could barely breath and looked pleadingly into those blue eyes right in front of her.

"Please.." she could squeeze out. Suddenly his expression changed and the grip around her neck seemed to loosen. He let go of her, dropping her and she fell down at the roots of the tree. He took a few steps backward as if he had just faced something terrible and wanted to get away from it. He stood there, his face so frightened it shocked Meghan as she was trying to catch her breath. He looked at her, just looked at her. His eyes big and fierce, his head slowly shaking as if denying something.  
"I.." his voice was somewhere in the middle of a cry and a bitter whisper as he slowly crawled into her direction. She pushed herself against the tree trying to get as far from his as possible. He stopped just inches away from her, the space between her face and his nil. When he raised a hand Meghan cringed away afraid he would hurt her again. This time it slowly but deliberately moved toward her cheek, softly wiping the blood away with his thumb. One time, two times. It was a gesture that caught her off guard, making her entire body tremble. His eyes, which had been looking at her, suddenly dropped down as well as his hand and he stumbled back again. Getting up and turning around.

"Where is the ring?" he asked again.

"As if you would want me to wear it." Meghan hissed, her voice was damaged by the struggle with Murtagh.  
"I don't. That's why I wanted it back."


	16. Remember when it rained

**Chapter 16 – Remember when it rained**

"Well that's to bad because I don't have it anymore." Meghan got up and reorganized her clothes. Fighting like this with Murtagh made her think of how they met, how they would've fought in the beginning. It was tiring and frustrating but it was also something that hade brought them closer together. However unlikely it may have seemed.

He turned around in frustration. What was it with the ring? Why did he want it back? Meghan stared at his back, visualizing the scar that was underneath those clothes.

"Why do you need it?" Meghan's voice was less hostile then she wanted it to be, maybe because the more she was with him, the more she realized her love for him wouldn't go away, not even when he was like this. It was impossible, but true.  
"It doesn't matter." He said almost defeated. He put the sword he had stolen from Eragon back on his belt, the sword that had killer her mother. So this was what Morzan must have looked like when he was alive.

"No, tell me." She demanded, he looked at her in surprise.

"You're really never scared are you?" he sighed but his fierce eyes still looked into hers, did he remember everything that had happened between them? Did he remember how it used to feel? "With the ring I cannot hurt you, therefore I couldn't kill you. But Galbatorix is looking for you, and he found a way to find you which is the ring. So without the ring he cannot find you, but I can kill you." Meghan felt tears sting in her eyes, not because Murtagh thought himself able to kill her, or the fact that Galbatorix was looking for her. But because of Milas. She made Ilphas promise to give him the ring and never take it off, while Galbatorix was looking for it. If he would see her child with that ring he wouldn't hesitate, he wouldn't think twice about who the child was. He would know. She had to sit down, breathe properly. Her hand reached out for something to hold but there was nothing there. She stumbled to a dead tree and sat down. She couldn't let Murtagh know, she had to regain herself, stay calm. She realized something which helped her stay calm again, Murtagh wanted the ring back. So he wanted to protect her from Galbatorix?  
"You won't kill me." She whispered more to herself then to him but he'd heard it anyway.  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that, I've tried before."  
"You didn't kill me then, nor did you kill Eragon. Twice."  
He growled something she couldn't understand and then she saw him getting ready to leave. She got up in a light wave of panic.  
"What are you doing?" but he didn't answer her, instead he pulled his cape over his shoulders.  
"Murtagh, where are you going?" if he would leave her behind like this she wouldn't know what to do. She was too weak to travel, and she had nothing to travel with. She didn't even know where she was or which way to go. She grabbed his wrist to take his hand which made his head turn around in a furious gesture that made her let go immediately. He mumbled something and looked into the sky. Meghan realized what he was doing, he was calling Thorn to him. He couldn't leave her, she would fail if he would leave her now. She wasn't ready to fail on him or the Varden, she wouldn't let him go that easily.  
"Murtagh please," she was ashamed to plead like that but she didn't know what else to do. Her pride was less important than Murtagh's life or the Varden's.  
"Don't you remember?" tears filled her eyes as Thorn landed just a few feet away from them with huge red wings spread blocking what little light there was coming through the trees. Murtagh walked up to him, pulling himself into the saddle looking down at Meghan.  
"I remember all of it," the look in his eyes made her entire body tremble, she wanted to climb up that dragon and hold him. "that's the problem." And after those words, Murtagh and Thorn flew up into the sky, leaving Meghan behind with tears in her eyes.


	17. Kindly Unspoken

**Boytrouble kinda made this chapter hard to write. ****I'm sorry if it sucks.**

**Chapter 17 – Kindly unspoken**

Meghan had been sitting there watching them fly away until they were out of sight. She realized she had no idea where she was or where she would go from here. The Varden were so far away, even if she would know which way to go. She started exploring the area in little bits, not wanting to stray too far from where he had left her. Murtagh had left her. When she realized she was even further away from the battlefield then she could have thought she sat down trying to stay calm. She could feel how dizzy and tired she was, the wound that was now barely a cut had taken a lot of energy, energy which Murtagh didn't all return when he healed her. The air was a little damp, as if there was rain coming but the sky still showed spots of blue and some sunrays got through the clouds. Meghan sat there in the middle of the clearing waiting for them to come back. He didn't say anything on why he was going? Why was he going? What was he doing, why would he leave her here like that after saving her life? Did he expect her to get back to the Varden? There were no answers to all the questions going through her mind, because the person who could give them to her was gone. It was already at the end of the day when Meghan decided to search for some wood to keep the fire burning.

She got tired fast and the branches she found were too little to keep a fire burning for long. Meghan threw some of them on the fire that was barely burning and sat against a big tree staring into the fire and occasionally into the air, which was disappointing. It started to get colder and the sky turned grey as the day came to an end. She had done nothing but was still amazingly tired. She didn't have the energy or the strength to search for something eatable or something to drink even though she was hungry and thirsty as if she hadn't eaten in weeks. She could deal with that, she had done so before. She could also deal with being tired, also something she had done before. But she didn't know what was happening or what to do, and that was something that scared her. It was getting really dark when twilight took over day and the trees blocked out all the light that had been there. She could hear the sound of raindrops on the leaves and soon enough she could feel them coming through the protection of green above her as well. It was cold and wet and anything but comfortable but Meghan couldn't help but close her eyes. Would she die here? Would this be the way things would end, without being able to help anyone or change anything? Teardrops turned into raindrops on her face as she eventually fell asleep.

She was having a nightmare of what would happen if Galbatorix ever found Milas. She could see Milas, merely a little boy, being beaten and tortured by the evil king. He looked so much alike Murtagh she wondered how her imagination could make him up like that. He was beautiful, with the piercing blue eyes of his father and his hair a shade in between Murtagh's black and her own dark brown. Would she ever meet him like this? Galbatorix kept torturing Milas, his cries sounding way too mature for a child his age. It broke Meghan's heart, she would rather be in his place, being tortured forever, than seeing her child hurting. Suddenly she could feel someone touching her shoulder, shaking it, and was pulled away from the horrible nightmare to scream at the person waking her up.  
"It's me." It was the bitter voice of Murtagh with a little hint of concern. She was breathing heavily as her eyes adjusted to the dark with the little light of a small fire. It had stopped raining but she could feel her damp clothes and wet hair, it was cold.

"Where did you go?" Meghan asked angry when she finally regained herself from having a nightmare about their son.

"Thorn was hungry, he gets grumpy when he doesn't eat enough." He turned to throw some more wood on the fire. Thorn was on the other side of the fire, his red glowing eyes staring at Meghan.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked trying to be as nice as possible even though she was so angry she could hit him right now.  
"Take this, you're cold." Murtagh took off his cloak and handed it to her, Meghan looked at him in surprise and took the cloak. But it wouldn't distract her from her question. She looked at him, her eyes still questioning.

"I don't know okay. I didn't feel like it." He explained impatiently, poking in the fire with a stick. Meghan narrowed her eyes, there was so much of the old Murtagh before her, before they fell in love. He was reserved and arrogant, harsh and rude even. But then there was that slight hint of concern in his voice when he'd woken her, and the cloak around her shoulders.  
"You didn't feel like it." Meghan mumbled rolling her eyes at him.  
"What? It's not like I have to tell you everything."  
"Whatever Murtagh." She was sick and tired of his behaviour, if he wanted to play this way, she wouldn't play along. She sat back against the tree and stared into the fire. She could feel she was hungry, she wondered if she would ever eat a normal meal again. Along with that she wondered if she would ever eat with her friends or son. Her mind drifted away to everyone she cared about, Milas, Katrina, Roran, Eragon, Ilphas.  
"What was the nightmare about?" his voice pulled her away from the thoughts of her friends, the only family she had left. She looked up at him in surprise, her sharp eyebrows raised as if she didn't hear the question good enough. She regained herself quickly enough.

"Nothing." Her voice was flat, she was a good liar.  
"Crying like that isn't usually about nothing." Murtagh stated and Meghan looked at him in frustration.  
"What do you want Murtagh?" she sighed while she dropped her arms to the ground. There was a long painful silence as Murtagh frowned and looked into the fire. It was so dark, there were no stars or moon to conquer the night. Only the fire in front of them.  
"What I want is not important." He whispered. Meghan drew in a sharp breath and sighed. She dared to shuffle a little closer. He didn't look at her, somehow she found the courage to place her hand on his arm. "It is to me." The words came out clear and strong, she meant it. Murtagh stood up fast, her hand dropping from his arm as he looked down on her.  
"Meghan, don't."  
"What?" she got up as well, looking him in the eye but he looked away.  
"Just.." he hesitated "Just don't."  
"What do you want Murtagh? Tell me now so I'll know when it's time to stop fighting!" she pulled his arm and he turned around, his eyes hurt.  
"You." The word was short and strong and loud, it cut through the air between them and seemed to hit Meghan hard. She blinked with her eyes in disbelief.  
"What?" it wasn't a whisper, more like a breathe.  
"You Meghan. I want you. The only thing I can't have. I don't even want to have a normal life, or be free again, if it's in a world without you."  
Meghan could feel how she stumbled a few steps, backing away. He looked at her, his clear blue eyes moist, his frown a little crooked.  
"But.." the word was stupid en irrelevant and all she could say.

"Don't you understand?!" he yelled at her, the words echoing through the woods. "I'll die because of this." He pointed to her and back at himself "Because of you."

Meghan tilted her head back in surprise, was he really saying this? Murtagh saw her reaction and shook his head in frustration.  
"And I don't even care." He clarified. "I don't even care about my life. That's not me, Meghan. That's not normal."  
"I…" she started but she couldn't say she didn't care for her own life anymore, she did.  
"Sometimes I just wish for him to kill me. Get it over with." Murtagh's voice still sounded loud, echoing around the clearing.  
"Murtagh don't." Meghan was hurt by the fact he longed to die. Nasuada had been right, she really needed to try and save him. Murtagh took both of her wrists in his hand pulling her closer and urging her to look at him.  
"Won't you kill me Meghan?" Meghan looked up into his eyes not knowing what to think. The love of her life was asking her to kill him. Killing him would solve a lot of problems, but she couldn't, she would never ever be able to. She pulled her wrists out of his grip.  
"No!" it was her time to yell "I won't kill you Murtagh. You won't believe it but you can fight this, you can help yourself."  
"No one can help their selves anymore." Murtagh turned grumpily, being his old self again.  
"I have." Meghan couldn't take it anymore, Murtagh was doing this himself, he had a choice to try and change, to at least try to escape Galbatorix. He turned at her words, furiously looking at her while biting his lip.  
"I had to do it all alone after you joined Galbatorix Murtagh!"  
"I didn't join him!" he roared.  
"You don't even try to escape Murtagh, that has to count for something."  
"Because when I do you die!" Murtagh finished his sentence with a low and angry voice looking her straight in the eye. He could see shock and disbelief in her eyes.

"What?" Meghan's voice was too calm to be natural.  
"When I disobey Galbatorix in any way, he'll find you and kill you. Or make others kill you." Murtagh had trouble saying the words 'kill you' but didn't want to show it. Meghan stumbled backward again, her hand over her heart while she gasped for air. It was all getting to much. The ring Milas was wearing would most likely bring him to Galbatorix, Meghan would have to save Murtagh, but if she did, he would disobey him and she would die. Getting the ring back or giving it to anyone else would bring that person in danger but not wearing it would bring Murtagh in the position able to kill her. And if she failed…Her hand moved to her forehead while she felt dizzy. She couldn't think straight anymore. Everything was so complicated. She found a tree with her other hand and leaned against it.  
"Meghan.." Murtagh's voice sounded normal, almost caring, Meghan wouldn't believe it. "Meghan, I'm sorry are you…"

"No." her voice was stern as she held up her hand toward him. She closed her eyes and put her hands over her face trying to breathe. She was so dizzy.  
"You need rest." Murtagh said, his voice low and serious again.  
"No." Meghan answered angrily with a gesture that caught her off balance as she almost fell over but could hold herself up just in time. She sat down against the tree. Murtagh didn't look at her. He had turned his back on her and was mumbling to himself, sounding angry again. Meghan could feel her eyelids get heavy again, her head hurt like it had been hit by heavy stones. She closed her eyes and decided to give in to it all, to give up fighting for now. She just couldn't anymore. The last thing she saw was Thorn's red wing forming a shield over her body, keeping her warm and dry.


	18. Hello hurricane

**Late Christmas gift, and I hope you'll all have a ver****y cool NYE and an awesome 2010! **

**Chapter 18 – Hello hurricane **

Meghan felt something she hadn't felt in a long time. Softness of a bed, a pillow underneath her head. She opened her eyes but had to blink because of the abundance of light coming into them.

"Finally." Murtagh growled from somewhere in the room. Meghan's eyes shot open as she sat up straight. She felt rested, but her body still ached, and she was hungry. So hungry.

"Where am I?" she demanded. Murtagh sat in a chair in the corner of a small room. It was light and cold, a window was open. The blue sheets on the bed were unfamiliar.

"You're in a house." Murtagh's tone was one of boredom. He looked tired and strange, as if little part of him didn't belong to him anymore.

"I can see that." Meghan threw her legs off the bed and sat up watching Murtagh, waiting for a real answer. He finally gave one.  
"You're in a house near Uru'baen. You've slept for a day and a half. I've been at Uru'baen while Gale was watching you. What more do you want to know?"

"Who's Gale?" Meghan demands, getting up and walking toward the window. She could see Uru'baen from here, not a very cheery sight.  
"He owes me."  
"Does he live here?" Meghan walked pas the bed again to stand in front of Murtagh. He looked at her, from head to toe before answering.  
"No one does." He got up, towering over her.

"Who _lived_ here?" she decided to make her questions more specific since Murtagh kept playing games.  
"Doesn't matter. They're dead." He turned and walked toward the door. Meghan couldn't believe how rude he was being again, he still surprised her.  
"Did you kill them?" she practically yelled after him. He didn't close the door after him while he headed down the stairs.  
"I asked you something." She called after him while walking down the stairs barefooted.

"So what if I did?" he turned around so quickly it caught Meghan of guard and she staggered back a few steps.

"You can go off and kill innocent people?!" she yelled while she shoved him, it seemed to have little effect on him.  
"They hunted down the Varden. I killed them so you could stay here. You would've been proud." His voice was sarcastic but the words surprised Meghan. Did he help the Varden? Or just use these people to his own advantage?  
"Now you stay here until I say otherwise." He pointed at her as to make his words more clear.

"Or what?"  
"Gale will stop you."  
"Who's Gale?" Meghan didn't want him to leave now, with so many questions in her head. She wasn't some girl he could play with, he should know better. He should treat her better, after everything.  
"You'll see." He opened the front door of the little house while he stepped outside. Thorn was waiting for him in front of the house. How would he explain his visit to this house to Galbatorix?  
"Murtagh.."

He turned, his eyes seemed sympathetic, Meghan didn't want to be tricked into anything stupid, but she couldn't help but feel love for the man he had once been.  
"How.." she hesitated "Will you come back?" he looked surprised by the tone of her voice, as was Meghan herself. He gave a slight nod with his head and then got on Thorn's back to fly away. There seemed to be no one around outside, it was probably too early in the morning. The air seemed colder near Uru'baen. As if summer never existed here. She went back inside to try and think of a plan. She couldn't leave, even if she could find a way around this Gale guy. Murtagh didn't know that, so that Gale would have to be pretty strong or powerful to keep her in this house. She sat down on the wooden stairs while she tried to think of some way to make things go faster. To make Murtagh change faster. She hadn't noticed how hard she was biting her lower lip until someone knocked on the door and she could feel it hurt. She got up.  
"Who is it?" she asked and she couldn't help but feel weak without any weapon to defend herself.  
"Gale." The voice seemed lowered, as if the person saying it tried to disguise his real voice. Meghan opened the door, if Gale really owed Murtagh he probably wouldn't kill her. A young man walked in. And the moment she looked at his face she recognized him immediately. Her heart started pounding so hard it hurt and she couldn't help but gasp. The young man turned around and she threw her arms around his neck.

"Oh Aiden!" Meghan could feel she was crying now as the young man returned the embrace.  
"Meghan, oh Meghan are you alright?" he pulled her so close it hurt but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything else right now than Aiden being her. Her friend from Uru'baen, the one that helped her en protected her the whole time she was there. Who even stood up against Murtagh.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." She repeated in a hushed voice while she stroked his hair en tried to feel his body against hers as proof he was really alive. Friends were so important these days.  
"And you?" she asked as she pulled away. He looked older, but he was still handsome, any girl would still be lucky to have him by her side.

"I'm doing alright. Well, according to Galbatorix I'm dead. According to anyone else as well I guess." He shrugged.

"What..why? Tell me everything!" Meghan pulled him toward a little wooden bench in what seemed a kitchen. He sat down and hugged her again. Everyone but Meghan seemed to know Aiden had a crush on her back at the castle, when she was still working there. She just thought he had always been a very protective friend. And he was. In a way he reminded her of Roran.  
"I'm so glad you're alive." He whispered while he looked down at his own feet. "Well, Galbatorix found out I helped you and Murtagh…you know..when you escaped. So he brought me to the dungeons, tortured me and asked one of his men to kill me. Murtagh saved me and brought me here. I wander around the village and the woods. It did leave me this though.." he pulled up his blouse and Meghan could see his stomach and side were full of little white scars, as if he had been cut with a knife over a hundred times.

"Murtagh..saved you?" was all she could say, touching the little scars that looked strange and unfamiliar on his body.  
"He did actually. He told me he owed me one, for all I did for the two of you, and then he let me go. Telling me not to wander off too far because he needed me to do things for him. And I didn't want to piss off a Dragonrider..so here I am." Meghan smiled bitterly, she loved how Aiden was so straight forward about everything. He had always been honest with her.  
"Galbatorix really thinks you're dead?" she asked.  
"That's why my name's Gale now. Gale Evarden. Do mind the 'varden' in the last name?" Aiden smiled and Meghan shook her head while rolling his eyes at him.  
"So. You're supposed to keep me prisoner?"


	19. Not my own

So hello there. I decided to give this a go again. After years. I'm still getting into it so excuse me if I get anything wrong or my writing is horrible, please forgive me. I hope you'll enjoy being reunited with Meghan and will follow her on her journey. Thank you for everything.

19. Not my own

"For now." Aiden nodded, he looked at her again. Examining her closely, as if he still wasn't sure it was her, alive.  
"For now?" Meghan repeated the words as a question. So many questions. Aiden nodded again.  
"Honestly Meghan, I don't know what Murtagh wants or needs me to do. I just follow his directions as they come. I didn't even know you were here. Which was probably for the best. No one should know you're here. So close to the enemy." He looked down and shook his head.  
"I've been closer." Meghan chuckled, trying to keep the mood as light as possible under these circumstance.  
"Well let's hope you'll never get that close again."

The day had been long. It was strange to Meghan how comfortable she had felt with Aiden around, but still the moment were dragging forward without her friends, Milas and Ilphas. No news, no indication of their wellbeing. And no news from Murtagh.  
She was laying in the soft bed, staring at the ceiling as the moon shone brightly through the window. It's silvery light making the world more beautiful than it really was, especially around here. Rest. She needed rest if she was ever going to do this. The moment she almost dozed off she could hear something outside her window, a slight hustling sound. She sat up straight instantly, thinking of a way to get out of the room, or something that might function as a weapon. She swiftly grabbed the candle holder off the bedside table and kneeled in the bed, ready for anything that was coming. When she saw a figure move through the window and coming closer she decided to go for it. A long swift swing from her arm was stopped by a firm and strong hand around her wrist, it hurt.  
"Meghan it's me." Hissed a voice she instantly recognized as Murtagh's.  
She frowned and stared at the dark figure next to the bed.  
"The window? Really?" She glanced at the window judgingly, could he not have just used the front door? He pointed at her hand, slowly releasing it from his grip.  
"Candle holder? Really?"  
"I work with what I find." Was her cold response. Their voices hushed. She pulled back her arm and put the candle holder down, sitting on the bed staring at Murtagh's face, now slightly visible in the moonlight. He was staring back at her, his bright eyes narrowed as if he was thinking.  
"What?" Meghan snapped quietly.  
"I'm trying to figure out why you haven't tried to escape yet. I know you." His voice sounded harsh at first but amused when he said the latter. Meghan stayed quiet. She was intimidated with his presence in this bedroom, the moon the only light and his voice the only sound. She could almost feel his breath on her face and she could actually take in his scent. She had missed that scent. Especially at nights when she couldn't sleep. It was hard to remember but now it all came back.  
"Are you here to kill me?" he asked bluntly. Meghan shook her head.  
"I already told you I'm not going to kill you."  
"I don't believe you." His tone was cold, accusing almost.  
"And why is that?" Meghan rolled her eyes, convinced he couldn't see it in the dark.  
"Why else would you be here? With me? I'm a hopeless cause. Evil. Everyone knows it, everyone has always known it." His voice was bitter but she felt like his wall was slightly coming down with these words. She wanted to touch him. Touch his hand, his face, but he got up swiftly, his motions as smooth as the black night sky.  
"All I have done. All I've been. It was all for this. Galbatorix made me what I am today, because he knew.." it seemed like he was talking more to himself than to her, the moment seemed private, almost fragile so Meghan kept quiet.  
"To believe I could be any different was a mistake." There was aggression in his voice and Meghan knew that if she ever wanted to change him, to make him believe he could, she should stop this self loathing right now.  
"It wasn't." she spoke up. He turned around and looked at her.  
"What?" he hissed, as if he was angry at her for speaking. She pushed the sheets aside and sat at the edge of the bed, about to get up but too afraid to get to close to him. He was like a wild animal, you never knew what he'd do in the face of potential danger.  
"It wasn't a mistake. You really were different." She breathed unsteadily, nervous. "With me."  
He laughed quietly, a cold and heartbreaking sound that made her want to lose all hope. She whispered quietly, a broken sound.  
"You don't believe me?" She got up this time, it was so hard to see the one person you loved so close but so far away at the same time. She wondered if he could ever return to her. If she could ever return to him. After everything that had happened, maybe things just ended sometimes. Maybe saving him was the last thing she'd ever do for him, if he even let her in to do that.  
"You don't believe that you were different when you escaped with me? For me?" she looked up at him, his tall frame close hers. They had been so much younger though it wasn't that long ago. Both filled with ideals that had died by now. He stared at the wall, his eyes as cold as the icy color they had. He was trying not to listen, not to care, not to hope because every time he had had hope it was taken from him. She raised her hand and to her own surprise placed it against his cheek. His cheek was cold and soft under the slight stubble of his barely visible beard.  
"Murtagh please.." she breathed. "You have to believe me." She looked up at him with pleading eyes, feeling weak and fragile as she opened up to him. He looked down at her, his warm breath against her skin. He was breathing unevenly, but was it anger or something else? The uncertainty scared her but she didn't back down.  
"I wish I could." He said, his voice stern and she could see that he really did wish he could.  
"Please.." she begged again. "Try. Remember the moments where we talked about our escape. About how we were going to stand up against Galbatorix, along with the Varden, together. The moment where you promised me yourself and I promised you myself. You weren't this.." she dropped her hand, not sure what he was right now. "This person." She sighed, not sure why she was trying so hard for someone who didn't want to be saved. And then she realized it wasn't just for him. It was for her people. Like it had been all her life. Her life was for her people, like her father's was before it was taken away. She never had a choice. So alike Murtagh in a way.  
"Exactly." Cold again. And distant. He was gone as quickly as he had opened up. "This person is who I am now and you can't change it. The Varden can't change it. I can't change it. I'm not yours anymore. I don't think I ever have been." The words and the way he spoke them were hurtful. Meghan stepped back, moving toward the bed again. She was done for tonight. There was no use in trying once he shut down like this.  
"I've always been Galbatorix puppet. That's what I was born as, and that's what I'll die as. Hopefully soon." And with those words he disappeared out of the window he came from.


End file.
